my innermost sanctum

good lordy

a wee conversation about emigrating with me bro earlier this evenin revealed his preference for new zealand. and it's not just the wide open space down under.

guess wot it was that swayed him?

sheep.

my persuasion that wales has got more didn't quite convince him. no matter, i'd better stop makin jokes about sheep from now on.

rudolph's dead. ack!

don't get me wrong, i'm not anti-saint nick, but surely this is a tad ridiculous? coincidentally enough, the reindeer was called rudolph.

like how sceptical wee islander's would ask: sure or not?

bless

what is surely good news for us all:

ah. in time for oktoberfest, ja?

quizzed

purloined off Jen's:

You Are A: Kitten!

Cute as can be, kittens are playful, mischevious, and ever-curious. Your mischevious side is part of what makes you a kittenKittens are often loving, but are known to scratch or bite when annoyed. These adorable animals are the most popular pets in the United States--37% of American households have at least one cat. Whether it is your gentle purr or your disarming appearance, you make a wonderful kitten.

You were almost a: Duck or a Bear Cub
You are least like a: Chipmunk or a DucklingWhat Cute Animal Are You?

it's effin obvious

how come homegrown peopre's lepubrik companies don't go global?

they don't have the R&D know-how that's why. so how would one expect em to participate in the transfer of technical knowlege with foreign acquisition's then? it's more likely that they produce exact copies of the latter's products. down to the last rivet.

no, more specifically, nick their ideas wholly. and then lamely pretend it's of their own invention. or probably not as they have no sense of fair play.

said foreign companies have to be careful though, they could use em as a front for espionage purposes.

an excuse to be sloshed

i know, it's just a couple of month's away, but i'm already plannin to be at the local early to celebrate the day. it being irish, not sure if the management take it kindly to a wee decoration of blue and white?

most pertinently, what if i toast to St Andrew with a pint of guinness?

glesga tales

more from glasgow:

This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record newspaper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. "Whit wis that fur?" he cries.

"That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser pockets with the name Mary-Rose written oan it," said she.

"Don't be daft," he explains,"two weeks ago when I went to the races Mary-Rose wis the name of one o' the horses I bet on." She seems satisfied and, apologises, and goes off to do work around the house.

Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him again with the frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes around, he says, "whit the hell wis that fur?"

"Your horse phoned!" she said.

-------------------------------------------------
what wee islander's would say: want to bluff but don't even know how to bluff.

enough's enough

two word's came to mind:

persecution complex. they just lurved the attention that the media are givin em, aren't they. obviously, their five minutes of fame had long expired.

"justice, justice, justice" - how very dignified. oh yeah, and it's the same institution who sponsored yer trip whose blood yer bayin, ye @*#$%!!. fuckin ingrates. like as if they are the blue marble's one and only most downtrodden dirt-poor sod's who ought to be pitied and empathised with by the likes of us. eh?

i wonder if they would even meet families of [real] victim's and survivor's of july 7th. hell, they won't even give a damn. if given a chance, they'd beg the Pope to beatify their precious hardworkin sprog.

and if the leaked reports were to be believed, why the effin fuck did that twit stand up and advance towards the firearms officer's when challenged? any officer in that circumstances would react by openin fire innit?

duh.

now we know why em islamist terrorist's never struck in latin america. the native's are too busy playin the victim's to notice.

stamped

note to self: go to the post office this weekend to check these out.

but then again, given the state of total philatelic disinterest on the wee isle, they may not be available until donkey's month's down the road.

so... to the royal mail website then to place an order.

::with great reluctance as extra charges are factored in as delivery is not f.o.c outside the UK - grumble, mutter::

glesga tales

i tumbled off me chair larfin. so hard that me sides split. anyhoo, enjoy.

-----------------------------------
One day the Primary 1 teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said ****** hell! A talking pig!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

don't you just wish?

i don't wish it upon anybody,

but don't you's think amoebae like this wee island spoilt brat deserves to disappear without a fuckin trace is but a mighty waste of space on this planet?

name changed [as emphasised] to protect the innocent. that is *moi*.

i feel sorry for folk in houston - and the rest of texas - for havin to put up with a cunt like her.

:: but Rita, why didn't you just unleash?!? ::

wee island idiosyncracies

a perennial problem that had me mate's and expat's griping: the wee islet's spastic motorist's.

what's more bafflin is that a huge number of said spastic motorist's are 20-somethin bird's. wonder what they are tryin to prove besides their flashy top-of-the-range brand-new vehicles. like, they can be as daredevilish as men?

or that they have the means to "own" [yeah but it's the banks that are financin em given the ridiculous prices] a car which is a right status symbol over ere? why the fuckin arrogant smirk when they cut into the path without indicatin then?

that is one of the myriad reason's why i steadfastly refused to learn to drive. but i'm very sure it's not because of my rather short fuse.

how very convenient

it's very obvious that this traitor is doin a zola budd. ie: the convenience that comes with a UK passport.

talk of ms budd, i recall a heated debate i had with me classmate's who alleged i was being unkind swallowed hook, line and sinker about her pledging her future for the UK. oh and may i add that their utterly shameless support reached fever pitch during the olympics proper: zola this, zola that. like she could even walk on water also.

yeah, i didn't hesitate to phone same classmate's to gloat when news broke that she decided to fuck off to her native country. it's her glory days that were already over innit?

btw, what's the deal with the barefoot runnin?

evolvin brain's

i know this is a rather late piece to blah about, but do take a peek:

so i can safely say that the wee islet has got the highest concentration of [still-evolvin] homo mongoloidis then?

put on the dancin shoe's?

and i thought fella's who do ballet are bad enough. but *ballroom* dancin?

:p

don't get me wrong, i'm not implyin it's a sissy thing to do. but words fail me. frankly, i can't imagine meself ballroom dancin either 'cos i thrive on the sight of blood - somebody else's that is - and broken bones rush of adrenaline. like whilst playin road hockey for instance.

still, bloke's ballroom dancing?

:p

'nuff said.

today's toons

eh wot?

spotted on some wee island blog's, see emphasis:

not only education is mightily wasted on em, they find utter pleasure in mangling the english language.

do they not?

wee island idiosyncracies

this article sums up nicely what wee islander's are generally like.

towards those who they deemed as beneath em. be it occupational or colour:

like it's so fuckin demeanin to be courteous towards customer service staff. 'cos the latter are educationally inferior that's why. i had come across ill-mannered cunt's whilst workin as a counter staff at a tourist spot many many many ::ad infinitum:: moon's ago.

and they wouldn't hesitate to whinge at the slightest delay:
"why is the queue so long? the staff is so damn inefficient! how long more they expect us to wait under the hot sun??"

and if we told em to shut their gob's up:
"i want to compRain to the manager! you are so rude, got the cheek to answer back!"

to think that a recent visitor [callin itself "this is bullshit" residing in the UK] to this fine blog disputed my opinion's on chink's in general. which it claimed that they are smart [smarter than others, that's why they "invaded" foreign universities] and polite people [towards *their* older folk]. yeah, indeed they are the cosmoverse's superior race.

that's why they think it's their birthright to be rude to anyone who's inferior, eh? "this is bullshit"?

with that nick, your certainly being polite. besides provin my point that your ilk in general are the least tolerant of criticisms.

the effect's of alcohol

quaffin too much of it - or a variety at one sitting - will make:

1. whatever's left of yer good braincell's dead
2. ye more bold
3. ye spout a load of tosh - as in my case :o
4. ye more depressed
5. ye text bollocks - as in erm, my case :x
6. yer bonce spin

as it has been proven not a few time's, i seem to not able to hold alcohol well lately. yeah, it's old age i reckon.

yet i couldn't resist downin a few consecutively on the friday and then yesterday. all in the name of socialisin. just had a couple each of corona, guinness and then a mate's mate decided to mix whisky with my last pint.

how kind.

not sure what i was tryin to prove, i downed the [vile] mixture all the same. though a wee voice was naggin at me, "yer gonna regret this, ye git". indeed. and i hadn't recovered well enough after friday's outing.

i'm turnin into an alcohol wimp. woeful.

pissed-off

the journo has it down pat with this piece on why many fan's are turnin away from footy.

to me, it's simply em footballer's becomin more yobbish by the day; and that they no longer play for the love of the game. additionally, em bunch of evil corporation's like sky holdin the average fan to ransom - who also can't afford to go see the game at the grounds because ticket's are priced way beyond their mean's.

or maybe it's a sign that i am gettin old. that may explain why i turned to cricket the other day.

quizzed

the colour green seems to be my favouritest these day's.

so it's no surprise that the result below is as such. even my wardrobe's full of the colour in every shade imaginable. it could also possibly be the fact that i can hardly find any decent shirt/top in a blinker-pleasin shade of blue at shop's ere on the islet.

and i'm very sure that the below has got nothin to do with thing's irish either.

Your Blog Should Be Green

Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff. You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas. However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog.

heh. maybe i should rename meself: the greenie b.

the stork's arrived

a dear mate just emailed me news of the birth of her first grand-bairn.

in new zealand. my reply included the followin bit's:
"welcome to planet earth, wee lassie!"

when it comes to babies, i just don't know what to ask or talk about, unlike the average wee island bird [especially so em ethnic chink] who'd make all those cooing noises; goin all apeshite at the mere sight of a baby. makes me wonder if they are just puttin on an act just to impress em bloke's.

one could tell from the bairn's reaction. just imagine what they are thinkin.

not that i have an aversion towards em wee youngling's. i'd just wave my hand and grin at em. the furthest i'd go is carryin em, goin, "where's yer mummy? over there!!!" - the standard [daftest] wee island baby-talk i hasten to add.

yet i won't hesitate to spend hour's playin with a cat or a dog. hmm...

RIP

the nazi hunter. without whom em evil nazi's would not be brought to book.

may his legacy lives on.

plain speakin

ta to krip who found this gem [erm i don't mean the crystal there].

i've had always believed in writing plain english when communicatin, be it conversational or correspondence wise.

i suppose this has had been drilled in me since schoolday's. also, i remember clearly whilst at my first job, i skived off work on the saturday [workin half-day was the norm] to attend a free workshop by a senior head honcho. who was kind enough to impart his knowledge to us minion's on the importance of plain english writing. he was a former teacher himself, so that explained why.

till this day, i've always believed that a person who resorts to gobbledygook has serious self-esteem problems. in the wee island context, that is. is there a need to impress reader's with your fine knowledge of the english language?

or rather, a need to show off their intellectual [read: synonymous with higher educational qualification's] capabilities just because those around these tosser's don't speak the way they do.

besides, finance institution's, em legal twat's and the government are major culprit's. they have this propensity to dish out gobbledygook just to muddle and catch us humble folk out; knowin that we'd inevitably give up halfway through readin the fine print.

that's why i say it as it is. and i don't give a flyin fuck to whomever if they find me direct or uncouth. why bother with niceties if i wasn't being honest? a spade's a spade innit?

but of course, when the occasion demands it, i've got to be tactful. a trait which needs workin out still.

mozzed

whilst the rest of asia are tryin to rid of bird flu; over ere on the wee islet, it's dengue fever that they are up against.

with an all-time high of 10,237 cases. i must say though that the regular foggin [in housing estates all over the islet] that they have done so far is of no use. surely the mosquitoes had already developed a kind of resistance towards the pesticide?

and now, there will be more fogging to come. especially in and around the church's compound that is opposite from me.

shoo mozzie. shoo.

see how they fall

apparently this media mogul is goin through a series of bad luck. sorta.

firstly, his heir quit the family biz. and now this. it seems that having an ambitious gold-digger as a missus doesn't translate into unlimited access; and penetration into the vast untapped peopre's lepubrik market.

i read with utter disgust - off an article - whilst workin at the former madhouse of a workplace [which said mogul has a 50% share] that divulged lurid details of his and her motives of marryin each other.

one of which was her promise of gettin authorities to agree to give the network unprecedented rights - or favour's more like it. in addition to claim's that she knew some of them personally. all this took place when she walked in straight to his room without makin any prior appointment. or so it was claimed.

at that time she was just a mere newly-employed junior executive who couldn't wait to rise to the top. the length's some folk would go to impress the gaffer, eh? i guess her wantin to have a share in his vast inheritance is partly fulfilled now that he has amended his will. to include their two wee bairn.

she typifies the characteristics of a mainland chink gold-digger - that her compatriot's are not too chuffed to be labelled as such over ere. well, ain't 99.9% of bird's - with ambition's to marry up - everywhere are?

in short, i just dislike em both. and who could forget that said mogul had design's on manyooooo back in 1998? what does an aussie know about footy anyway?

well, well, well. we might just be witnessin the beginning of the downfall of a mighty empire, eh. and i shall watch by the sidelines with glee.

today's toons

broken

i thought it was mighty odd that a mate

- whom i know through the canuck association - left the wee islet last month without any prior fanfare or notice. what makes it odder is her departure was announced on the association's newsletter. whereby a wee farewell party was held by a handful of folk's. not that i'm bitter i wasn't asked to come along though the organiser's might had got the impression we were not close.

i got along fine with said mate despite a minor "ugly" episode [pertainin to the monthly pub night] that i didn't hesitate to show my displeasure. which was followed by a flurry of email exchanges - between moi, a couple of other mates and she.

i was truly humbled that, as president of the association then, she phoned me to apologise again. and profusely. now, this mate isn't someone whom everyone could get along with as she has an overbearin and forceful personality. that certainly didn't stop me from treatin her cordially, nor sharin a joke or three with her.

so when i finally got in touch with her through this networkin thingy [which she invited me to register], as i was lookin for potential customers, she revealed today that her husband quit their marriage. her hasty return to canada was partly motivated by her need to look for a job.

i was shocked, definitely, as both of em looked like the happiest couple on this side of the cosmoverse. of course, appearances are just that. appearances.

i know strange as it sounds, but there's this tinge of sadness as i type this out. my mate is not gettin any younger, but i'm sure she'll bounce back in no time. and hopefully she'll meet someone new who will appreciate her for what she is. indeed, her impendin divorce may be a blessin in disguise.

all the same, this news further affirms my belief to treasure whomever comes into our life at the moment. and that we ought to be grateful of the joy the person brings.

regardless if they are near or far.

wot's next?

has the blue marble gone mad?

this time round, new mother's are throwin parties for their families, mate's and pet dog's in the delivery suite when their sprog's are about to pop out. i shan't go on further as i'm still shaking me head in disbelief.

not to mention, gobsmacked.

what is surely a private moment to savour between mother and bairn has now become a circus; sample the followin bollocks, see emphasis:

reet, so this thingy saw herself as a modern-day virgin mary then.

there is definitely somethin odd goin on in california that may explain why such bird's come up with this terribly bizarre idea.

dya know??

there are 7,000 members belonging to the association frogaise francaise de petit-île. i couldn't believe it either.

i was gobsmacked when it was announced durin the la pack du grande bretagne committee meetin on the tuesday. no, everyone was gobsmacked. does the numbers consist of spouse's, bairn and mistresses? or the francophone speaker's of canada, belgie and switzerland? or their former asian/african subject's perhaps?

i have this nagging suspicion that whomever signed up for french lessons at the alliance francaise were "encouraged" to join le association. we all know that em french can be quite zealous in wanting the entire bluemarble to adopt their language and culture. innit?

regardless, it's frightening. 7,000 snail connoiseur's, mind.

dya know?

there are 12,000 cricketer's in alba - or so they claimed - and they will represent the country at the cricket world cup in 2007. in the w.indies.

reet. the image of em player's kitted out in kilt's and sporran whilst out in the field is rather vivid. also, i shall expect a lone piper to spur the team on when they are losin heavily to whomever they play.

the bagpipe ain't called an instrument of uprisin fer nothin.

serves em right

this past couple of day's has seen the entire [well, almost] wee island bloggin community agitated

- a pair of ethnic chink amoebae were charged for making inflammatory remark's about em malay's and islam.

all due to an innocuous letter sent to the daily rag by a muslim bird questioning cab companies' policy on ferryin uncaged - whatever that means - dog's. i must add though that islam is one religion that several interpretation's can be derived.

i found it a tad odd that em youngling's moan about the curtailing of, erm, their freedom of speech [re: they often cite the U S of A's fine example], havin to watch their word's and such. and goin all paranoid about the govt monitorin their activities on the www.

indeed, but given their level of idiocy and immaturity [for not exercisin care, totally clueless about what freedom of speech entails; and generally abusin the chance already given to em to do so] it will take a L-O-N-G while before these youngling's - or wee islander's at large - are given the right to speak their mind's freely. and responsibly.

and pray tell what negative publicity for the wee island blogosphere? it serves as a lesson to the blue marble audience on dealing's with multi-racial and multi-religious issues. not that the islet is entirely fair, but i'm sure they do not want to provoke their malay neighbour's as well.

reet. so i have to becareful now of my references to some racial group's or nationalities then?

yeah, as if i care.

posterised

check this pair of lovely wallpaper's out. of that amazin win.

gah!

what did i say about education bein wasted on asian bird's at large?

witness the followin email extract i received right after a brekkie seminar i conducted for member's of the canuck chamber of commerce last week. the talk was entitled, note emphasis: "know yer host - cultural presumption's: a wee island biz etiquette guide".

which the chamber had clearly stated on their programme highlight that it was tailored towards expat newbie's. those who felt they required a refresher were welcome also.

apparently the email sender of a feckless twunt was a wee island bird, or an ethnic chink from elsewhere. or probably she was jealous of the reception i received after which; as well as the lively exchange of ideas that snowballed from my statement that wee island bird's enjoy much equality. more so than their counterpart's from some western countries. well, did i not say it was a *seminar*?

here are her vitriolic jibe's thinly disguised as constructive feedback. note that she appointed herself as the unofficial spokesperson, on behalf of em participant's:

1. "... get to know your audience first as your talk seemed to swing from primary school to university level..."
2. ".... some of your points made us feel a tad patronised as some of us are married to wee islander's and other asian's..."
3. "...it's great to be a patriotic wee islander but let's face it, just ask anyone with a dark skin if they have any problem's with findin a job..."
4."... if your audience are professor's, academics and PhD student's, i understand the need for deep analysis and exchange of idea's, but i don't see the necessity for such at this presentation of yours as we come from all walk's of life..."
5. "... your point on gender equality is a stretch of your imagination, all of my middle-aged local friend's complain about the glass-ceilin, denyin em from the top job's they deserved..."

and then she signed off with a rather insincere remark that she'd like me to be successful in my "career". hence her feedback. who was she kiddin with eh?

anyways, ain't each and every bird bluemarble wide has got a problem with the glass-ceiling? even in the UK, pay inequality between the sexes still exists which was ruled discriminatory over here just before the 1990's.

besides, when a competent bird does reach the pinnacle of her profession, instead of gettin morale support from her fellow species, they resent her for her success. apart from being called "bitch" and other name-calling's.

also, she becomes the target of vicious rumour's that she might have had been sleepin her way up. or that she's been the apple of the gaffer's eye all along. and who started the rumour's by the way?

and the average wee island bird whines about the glass-ceiling? they ought to be grateful that they had the opportunity to go to school which was denied to their gran's and even their mother's [the average peasant family back then thought it was totally unncessary to send girl's to school until the govt stepped in, wavin this charter].

that aside, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out why said feckless twunt attended the talk. 'cos her email addy suggested that she is a trainer [as opposed to lecturer, mind] at one of the polytechnic's ere.

trainer of a cross-cultural module of the biz admin diploma course perhaps.

hmmm.... o.O

oh and patriotic wee islander, moi? puhleease...

a timely reminder

12th september -

1. exactly 60 year's ago the evil jap's decided to surrender after occupyin the wee isle for 3 years and 7 month's. thereabouts.

wonder what took em so long to do so when VJ day was declared on 15th august. see, the islet is so wee that the news escaped em. what is utterly shameful is nothing much has been done over ere to remember all those POW's, armed forces veteran's [a large number of whom were aussie and kiwi], and wee islanders who defended and died for this islet.

2. england win the ashes after 16 yonk's and x months. need i say more?

3. exactly 37 yonk's ago, the letter b was born - ok, enough's been said.

so there.

soz

for the silence, folk's. it was the birthday yesterday and i took time off doin a spot of shoppin, reflecting on what i've had accomplished so far and summat.

i must say though that it was one of my bestest birthday's - along with the bestest pressie i ever received. and it didn't involve quaffin. nah, shan't reveal what it was all about :D

anyhoo. i'm gonna keep my promise on learnin more about the cricket if england win. and they did, innit. so when was the last time we beat em whingein aussies?

in the meanwhile, do keep yer eyes peeled. i may come up with somethin absolutely brilliant. that you's will come back for more.

we mustn't forget

the day exactly four year's ago, today.

who's to know that the perpetrator's would bring total chaos bluemarble-wide with their own twisted brand of teaching's. and their pitifully "victimised" brethren in the UK have got the effin gall to demand this. 'cos holocaust day is deemed offensive. to their sensibilities.

you give em an inch, they demand a yard eh? i was outraged when told recently that in canada, christian's are told to utter "happy holidays" instead of "merry crimbo" to fellow christian's. so as not to cause *offence* to em muslim's over there.

they ain't celebratin the festival, so what's their problem? should christian's wish this same bunch of tosser's "happy eid al-fitr" not "happy hols" then? not logically sound innit?

i'll await with bated breath what this potentially subversive lot may suggest next. a mosque at every turn, jostling for space with the corner-shop?

quizzed

i'm not surprised by the result, as swedish is one language i hope to be able to speak like a native someday.

You Should Learn Swedish

Fantastisk! You're laid back about learning a language - and about life in general. Peaceful, beautiful Sweden is ideal for you... And you won't even have to speak perfect Swedish to get around!

my favouritest question has gotta be: What subject did you like best in school? my answer: cutting class

seriously, i must say that swede's are one of the warmest and friendliest [amongst em scandi's] bunch of folk i come across at work. which belies the geographical location of their country.

a blatant rip-off

twice from the peopre's lepubrik, but from different region's

[or so said the ISP's] this fine blog was searched for: english letter teacher's day

reet. i've got this sneakin suspicion that, apart from an upcomin teacher's day, said lifeform's are looking for ways to reproduce exact copies. down to the last alphabet.

which is kinda expected from these chink's as their mantra is: why bother learning/with hard work when it's easier to steal the idea?

witness the numerous peopre's lepubrik-branded consumer electronic gadgets [from airconditioner's to mobile phones and washin machine's] that they are exportin bluemarble-wide right now. coincidentally enough, massive numbers of foreign manufacturer's of all sorts rushed to set up factories there just a few yonk's ago, innit?

and yes, they haven't grasped what intellectual property rights exactly mean. either something was lost in translation, or they haven't done a proper job as yet.

low IQ perhaps?

the followin are proof of my belief that em scum ought to be removed from the gene pool.

forcibly. before they harm humankind further. see emphasis:

the said letter was a warning to uni students of an aberdeen university about their solicitin of whore's.

what's more appalling is this cat-killer cunt who isn't remorseful of her action's whatsoever:

my blood boiled at the "might go to jail" bit. so there's a possibility she may not if she pleads insanity?

unearthed

more dino fossils discovered in israel and mexico suggested that the pterosaurs species' wings could have spanned 59ft. thereabouts.

that surely leaves you gobsmacked, innit? oh and one of the boffin's is called Dino wotsit.

i kid you not.

yob behaviour

a cut and paste job off the northerner

here's a tale of how a cricketer accidentally batted a ball at a brand-new bmw. resulting in the car owner doing a pitch invasion. it's not only disgraceful but appallin innit? i meant the car owner.

altogether now

c'mon england. let's pray for clear skies and sunshine today eh.

if england were to win this series, i promise i'll get me head around the sport.

honest.

some rant

warnin: long-winded mindless rant on em wee island bird's.

why the fuck do said bird's:
1. shave their leg hairs
2. whinge when they are made to stay back at work
3. think they have got a raw deal in the event of a messy divorce if they don't sign any pre-nuptials agreement
4. no let me rephrase #3 above - are fuckin calculative
5. assume that any other bird beyond the age of 30 is as defective and useless as their uncouth mother's
6. make a song and dance when they lay their grubby mitt's on the latest but commonplace electronic gadget
7. think it's kewl to look like clone's off a standard long tresses/slut-chavette template
8. say they regretted polluting the blue marble with their [unwanted] sprog's
9. reconfigure their slits-for-blinker's into [fake] double eyelids
10. have the fuckin gall to wear my trad costume - coming from the exact same bunch who insist that i'm chink just because i have some chinese blood

erm, yeah that's about all. for now.

tsk, tsk

see, what did i say about em ex-convict's antipodean's being *poor* loser's:

well, at least we don't make heroes out of thieves and convict's.

b_mc.t's sparklin gem

housework not only dulls your senses, but kills off whatever's left of your braincell's.

copyrighted stuff, geddit? © breanagh mctavish 2005

weird search

some lifeform came a-looking to this fine blog for: joan of arc's likes and dislikes

well, what i can surmise is wee jeanne liked to be kitted out in armour and being french munchin on escargots. but she disliked the english. and probably em gerry's.

that is so simple, innit. duh.

oh, remember to credit le lettre b for the above gem, eh, whomever you are.

i just can't wait

for my birthday to arrive in about a week's time. for clues as to how old i will be, just take a peek somewhere on the left column. not sure if i should spend it alone - it falls on a weekday, or with a handful of good mate's at the local on the weekend. decisions, decisions.

strange as it may sound, i seem to not able to consume much alcohol these days. when i could quaff at least 5 pint's of guinness, i noticed lately that a pint is enough to make me bonce spin. worse, i just can't handle hangover's well also.

a sign of thing's to come, perhaps? the odd bit is i'm not despairin whatsoever.

i am gettin old.

if only

cat's could speak. this all-white moggy returned from a morning stroll with a complete makeover - turning pink all over.

it must have disturbed some fairies along the way.

today's toons

there goes

my hard earned dosh. yep, bought these thingy's earlier today:

i'm surprised that a record shop on this islet does carry this album. bless.

i meant to buy this month's ago but didn't get round to.

12th in the inspector rebus series. it's my third in the collection so far. mind, it's not because he's [also] scottish.

the summary, nicked off the publisher's website:

wee island chinese men were massacred just because:
1. all were alleged to have financially supported their bethren in china - 99.98% were too pissed poor to care about some folk who they had no blood relations with
2. they worked for the british colonial masters - em jap's didn't like the idea of asian's servin the white man; that's why they closed their doors to foreigner's during the wotsit [meiji?] period, saved for a handful of dutch trader's
3. they were presumed anti-jap - duh?

i could actually demand compensation from the jap government for the death's of a maternal great-uncle [he was a teacher, his bro escaped in the nick of time]; and presumed rape and subsequent murder of my paternal aunt in the jungles of burma. all causin utter distress to my relative's.

yet this very same bunch of scumbag still refuse to acknowlege their past atrocities 60 year's on eh? oh, to add insult to injury, there is a war memorial at the japanese cemetary tucked somewhere on this islet.

what the effin fuck?

pc?

my belated congrats to the stunning lass on winning the contest, thenceforth representin england in the forthcoming bluemarble-wide cattle contest.

i can't help it but suspect that the judges chose her 'cos she:
(1) is a fine example of a moderate british muslim - her participation shows how liberal she and her family are
(2) is a fine example of a fully-integrated and well-adjusted immigrant
(3) represents the changing face of great britain - the muslim population seem to produce more sprogs don't they?

her selection comes at a time when her community's allegiance to queen and country is questioned.

coincidence? or is it due to her impressive multi-lingual capability amongst other equally impressive qualities? i think not.

utterly disgraceful

england's cricket coach is deemed unworthy to be the queen's subject despite the fab work he has done. YET paki/african immigrant petty criminals turned suicide bomber's were issued passport's in spite of.

is it because he's zimbabwean and white to boot, that worked against mr fletcher?

talk of zimbabwean, let's wait and see if this absolute minger will be forcibly deported, yes?

image re-think

due to discoveries made in china where many well-preserved feathered dinosaurs were found, a boffin [or palaeontologist to give his proper title] announced that the depiction of all dino species should be updated. accordingly.

surely they now appear less menacing? i just can't imagine a fluffy-lookin nessie either.

i wonder what would be unearthed next in some far flung exotic location's. whisker's found on some dino species, i'd wager.

"common jurassic [assumed] ancestor of dogs, cat's and sea lion's discovered!" or so said the headline.

shock, horror?

a conversation with a mate last evenin about the jap's and korean's

[ok, as part of my research for a customer] revealed the followin tidbit's, addin to those that i blahed about the other day:

1. those fanciful innovative electronic gadget's that have us all gobsmacked are basically meant for export market consumption - whereas their domestic market are left with shoddy third-world equivalent

2. em korean's possess similar japanese traits given their half a century subjugation - but without all the bowing's and lingual hypocrisy. i think

3. however, em korean's do possess certain chinese characteristic's as well as they were subjected to centuries of chink influence - evidenced by the practise of confucianism and surname's like Lee, Chang, Yim and Lim

in fact, till this day i often ask korean's if they are jap's which is a mighty insult to the former - see subjugation. though i make a conscious effort to pick up subtle differences like dressing and speech pattern's.

not too difficult, innit? but as long as they are in a group, that is.

old news

is it a surprise that asian's in the UK overtake everyone else to be the most extragavant when it comes to weddin pressie list?

their [and this includes em chink's] propensity to show off their newly-acquired wealth to all and sundry is the sole factor.

it's been awhile

since i last heard these tunes.

this was also mentioned by "Alice" the other day. the funny bit is when i first heard my aunt-in-law's sis was named exactly that many many many ::ad infinitum:: moon's ago, said tune came to mind.

regardless, i'm livin up to my dinosaur tag, innit.

fact

what they said about extramarital affair's a french national past-time?

i've had witnessed a handful, and last evening's effort by a married frog on an indonesian-chink lass [whilst at the monthly massive canuck pissup at the local] serves to prove why i avoid em like the plague.

no, all those charm and flattery bollock's don't work on moi, more like it.

anyhoo, what i can say is they certainly have some serious self-esteem problem's. not that other type's don't, of course.

lice!

no, not a mispronounciation of rice, that.

rather, this article about the dreadful head lice reminds me of an episode during my early primary school day's. when teacher's rigorously checked those with nit problem, and remindin the rest of us again and again [like a broken record] of the importance of hygiene.

it didn't help matters when some wag went on to tell us a "story" of some poor lass who - out of utter frustration - sprayed her bonce with insecticide. resulting in permanent hair loss. or so said the wag.

i wasn't taken in by the tale, but remarked all the same, "she can always wear a wig, now that em nits ain't botherin her anymore. right?"

i was thence labelled "heartless".

teacher's day

it's teacher's day today on the wee islet.

when i received pressies on this day from my student's back in 1990 as a relief [or substitute as known in the US] teacher, i erm, blushed.

who would have thunk eh, le letre b blushes easily.

where was i? oh yes, a memorable stint, i must say. so much so that i'd considered takin up teachin as a full-time vocation. if not for my perceived lack of qualifications back then.

ie: to qualify as a full-timer, one has got to be a graduate before entering the teacher's training college [it was exactly called that many yonk's ago]. but those with minimum 3 'o' levels [now it's 5 'O's], without any teaching background were accepted as relief teacher's.

i didn't think it'd be worth my time going through 'a' levels as a private candidate, and then university. given that i was a computer course instructor/programmer prior to the school stint. so with great reluctance i left the school - and vocation - when my contract expired six month's later.

in fact my ex-classmate's expressed horror disbelief ["yer jokin, right?"] when i told them i was a teacher. how come? i was a teacher's nightmare. and till this day nobody knows that i damaged a form teacher's car. whilst in secondary two [14-year-old's]. apart from other, erm, misdemeanour's.

:x

but it sure is a bairnhood ambition fulfilled. kinda.

the wascawy wabbit

having read the following bit off the northerner [hence the cut and paste] left me with a few question's.

besides not makin any logical sense whatsoever:
1. the wall in question is a reminder of the roman conquest - though it is part of england's past
2. said wall was built solely to push the britons further up north; as well as keepin the pict's, brigantes, blah at bay
3. the wall is but a massive heap of ancient stone's
4. how the fuck would em rabbit's know about the significance of the wall?

it's bleedin obvious which is the lesser creature[s] ere innit. they even make elmer fudd look clever.

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Back in the north-east, the Newcastle Evening Chronicle reports that archaeologists are very angry that rabbits seem to be doing what almost 2000 years of history have failed to do - make Hadrian's Wall disappear into a very deep Northumbrian hole.

The situation is so bad that some hardliners are calling for the reintroduction of myxomatosis.

"Rabbit burrows have created such a honeycomb beneath sites that sooner or later there will be a single catastrophic incident where the whole thing vanishes," warns Dr David Woolliscroft of Liverpool University. "So great is the problem that experts warn the destruction is starting to challenge one of the basic tenets of archaeology, that it is safer to leave ruins in the ground."

But help may be on the way. The Journal, the Chronicle's sister paper, reports that one unified body could take over responsibility for the wall from April next year. How good it will be with rabbits is not clear. The paper then lists the outfits which now have their fingers in this ancient pie: two regional development agencies (for the north-east and north-west), English Heritage, the Countryside Agency, National Trust, World Heritage Site Management Plan Committee,
Northumberland National Park Authority and Northumberland Strategic Partnership.

"Given the number of organisations involved, this makes a great deal of sense," comments the Journal. (And how, the rest of us might add.) "Each has its specific role to play and sometimes the aim of one can conflict with the wishes of another. That has to be avoided in the future if the wall is, firstly, to achieve its full economicpotential and, secondly, to be preserved as the unique structure that it is."

May the gods look kindly at this attempt at bureaucratic sanity. It's worth a novena at a Mithraic temple.