April 29, 2006
lame
crikey.
now the shameless mistress is wanting to tell the blue marble her side of the story. she felt betrayed, that's why.
:: splutter ::
that's a tad rich, comin from yer average village bint. who's usually a scheming evil twat who's never satisfied with their lot. and they are usually motivated by greed [for power and dosh], further boosted by their non-existent self-esteem.
they'd have us believed it's their fucked-up circumstances - whatever that means - as well as [severe] lack of attention that made them do what they did. what do they take us for, fool's??
whereas for blokes, it's usually their ultra-fragile ego which is the culprit. that's usually the case innit?
which leads me to wonder: how would i deal with it if i'm in the wronged party's shoes? could i ever pick up the pieces, and then get on with life with my dignity intact? or would i be driven to utter despair like this bird? who should have finished off her rival there and then? funny, she didn't go on to wallop that wankin twunt of a husband?
right. i'd better make sure my [ice/road] hockey stick's are out of sight. i've got *three of em.
:O
* one's my lucky hockey stick, whilst the other's a spare that has yet seen any action. i "volunteered" to bring home the aluminium one for some reason or other - no i was, erm, a tad too trolleyed to remember why. the usual round's of beer after a game, you know.
phew!
he couldn't even deal with intrusive journo's. and one expects him to be the england gaffer?
bah. humbug.
and how come everyone - well, almost - seems to think that only club manager's [read: english or british for that matter] with impressive track club records are capable of running the show?
how about a proven ex-footballer? one who's caretaking a non-league club perhaps? anyone?
hmm, how about Tony Adams? Gazza?? right. i am but of course jokin.
April 28, 2006
:S
see my reaction above. nicked off this week's the northerner. erm, enjoy.
-------------------------------------------
You'd think it would take a lot to scare the wits out of the landlord of a Yorkshire pub. Judging by his picture in the Yorkshire Post, Roger Froggatt, of the Low Valley Arms at Darfield, near Barnsley, looks the sort of man who would know what to do with customers with no homes to go to at closing time on a Saturday night.
But according to the YP, Mr Froggatt was so shaken that police who came to the pub after strange nocturnal goings-on offered to call an ambulance to take him to hospital. He declined.
After a routine night, Mr Froggatt switched off the lights and the bar's three televisions and went to bed in his flat at the pub. At 1.30am, he was woken by an alarm and, fearing an intruder was on the loose, went to investigate. He found nothing, so reset the alarm and went back to bed.
The alarm went off again 90 minutes later. This time he picked up a handy length of wood and went downstairs for another look round.
"I will never forget what I saw," he said. " All three plasma television screen were switched on. My wife went to switch them off and I checked the toilets. When I went into the ladies', I couldn't believe what I saw. There was a figure of what I believe was a woman, with no face and silvery great hair, dressed in a white gown.
"I stood there for about four or five seconds, then fled in terror. I ran out of there, I was that shaken. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even speak to the police when they arrived soon afterwards after my wife called them."
Kathryn Froggatt took the officers to the toilets where the figure had appeared and there they saw the loos flushing with no human intervention on the handles of cisterns. "I can't remember much about it after that," added Mr Froggatt. I was shaking. I have never seen anything like it before and don't want to again."
He said the figure was "the ugliest thing I have ever seen. This has just done my head in."
There have been other strange happenings at the Low Valley Arms: gas taps have turned themselves on in the cellar and barrels have mysteriously moved.
Police supported Mr Froggatt's story about the flushing and said they were investigating. But they have not yet issued a photofit of a mysterious grey-haired woman with half a face. Some of the pub's regulars think they know what this manifestation is all about: a barmaid is said to have died in the pub several years ago. But Mr Froggatt is taking no chances: he is calling in a priest to exorcise the demon in the cubicle.
April 27, 2006
not another johnny foreigner?
i don't know why but methinks that em FA geezer's have already got Massive Phil in mind for ages - further proof that they are out of touch with reality. and they interviewed em British gaffer's for the sake of interviewin - so that they wouldn't be accused of being biased towards johnny foreigner's.
seriously, what makes them think Massive Phil could do the job that other's had failed? miserably? or is this a sad reflection of current bluemarble-wide sporting trend whereby it's fashionable to hire foreign coaches for national team's? all started by asia and africa of course. not to mention, australia.
much as i admire brazilian footy, i loath to think what he'd do to tinker the way england play. no, turning them into a bunch of [international] thug's overnight, that's more like it. shirt-tugging, hand-balling, and divin at each and every opportunity. i mean, england have always been the fairest fair-play team all along innit? ok to be fair, some of em footballer's do look like thug's anyway.
what's more important really, does he speak english?
April 26, 2006
i'm just thinkin...
what with news lately of clueless and fucked-up politician's gettin themselves into deep dodo, i wonder if the whole of the UK would take kindly to an absolute monarchy? [yeah, i know, it's a right anachronism.. blah.. you must be jokin it's the 21st century!.. blah and summat]
look at the Queen. she reigns [as opposed to "rules" which some "republican" amoebae got themselves mighty confused with] with grace, dignity and dedication. unlike em elected bunch of nitwit's who are supposed to serve the people. instead takin each and every one of you's for fool's.
but of course, there are argument's that she - along with her family - is Gerry to begin with. but hey, ain't 99.7% of em english are also? where dya reckon the words "Anglo" and "Saxon" come from then? i know a tad of a misnomer that, when most have got some Viking, Roman, Celt, Jew and a dash of Frog even.
oh and another thing that's been in me mind. if First Lady Blair is really a true-blue republican that she claims to be, how come she doesn't call for a change in her work title of QC? she couldn't exactly come up with an alternative, could she?
again, how much did she spend on her barnet?
and yer point is?
what's with gormless wee island bird's these days?
i approached the wee islet-based UK-wide universities alumni the other day to promote an offshoot sideline on interview and/or CV coaching for returning fresh graduate's. to which i received a rather perplexin reply as per the below.
and then the ensued email exchange's gave me the impression that either the cow had got it completely wrong; or she was attemptin a right wind-up which i had no idea whatsoever as to why [blind immediate jealousy at the mere mention of the words "Managing Director" perhaps?].
or to put it in simple wee island parlance, "tryin to be funny". without further ado, here goes. names changed to protect the innocent. *mine*, that is:
Dear Letter B
First of all, thanks for your interest in the Alumni thingy.
However, as we are not opening this website for any commercial usage, we are afraid that we will not able to advertise any service provided by your company.
Alternatively, if you are interested, you may want to come in as an Alumni and do a session such as on culture shock for the targeted alumni. We can market the event as a partnership with your company. You can use the session to promote your company indirectly, but please ensure that there is no sales and direct recruitment.
Dear Clueless Bird
Thank you for your e-mail and interest in our intercultural communication programmes.
Your proposal for a Culture Shock session sounds interesting. But before we take this further, could you perhaps enlighten me who the target audience are within the alumni - returning/repatriating Wee Islanders perhaps? Or are they foreigners belonging to the respective alumni?
Please be assured that seminars and workshops organised for business chambers' members are used as platforms to market our Programmes indirectly. As such, sales and/or direct recruitment do not occur which we firmly believe is unethical, not to mention, unprofessional.
Moreover, our company are a Professional Services Provider, as opposed to a Commercial Educational Institution which I found many in Singapore tend to confused us with.
Letter B
The target audience in this case will be fresh graduates, mainly Wee Islander. We do have a couple of expatriates who are working in Singapore in the database, but they are not our main priorities. If you have them as yours, we may want to re-think about the collaboration.
Hi Clueless Bird
Thank you for your email. I think there is a miscommunication between us, perhaps you could enlighten me in what ways Wee Island Fresh Graduates could benefit from a Culture Shock session?
All of our Programmes are designed and customised accordingly with mid- to senior-level Executives in mind, including Wee Islanders who travel within the Asia-Pacific region. There are bespoke requirements too by our customers for a reverse Cross-Cultural facilitation for their Wee Islander staff on working with overseas-based colleagues.
Hence, my last email which I enquired if the intended target audience are returning or repatriating Wee Islanders. It is well-known in our industry that Repatriates - regardless of nationality or background - do require some form of reverse Cross-Cultural mentoring given today's increasingly diverse environments.
and no, i haven't heard from her since. it's probable that the cat has gotten her tongue.
really, let me repeat this: what's with gormless wee island bird's these days? it seems that they all need a thorough head examination. and if that isn't enough, perhaps a right neuterin to go along.
April 24, 2006
there goes my tea..
an acquaintance of an acquaintance
[confused? so am i] decided to phone me out of the blue the other day. to see if i'd like to give a talk [part of a series or seminar or summat] on, get this, personal growth. sometime next month.
reet. and i almost puked my tea all over my desk. so i asked her what the topic or topic's were and who her target audience was. i should have known better when she replied, respectively:
1. self-esteem and self-motivation
2. bird's in their early to mid thirties [when they all start despairin about growing old]
i tried hard to not snigger/snort/giggle as said acquaintance of an acquaintance [confused? so am i] went on about how today's wee island bird's:
1. have no purpose or direction in life [how the hell did they get this far then?]
2. measure their self-worth accordin to society's [read: stiflingly patriarchial - that's what they'd like us all to believe] demands
3. measure their self-worth accordin to [branded] materials they acquired
3. are caught between the wee islet's "conservative" [me arse] values and liberal attitudes acquired through education; as well as the increasingly "pervasive" western [convenient whippin bairn, the west is] more's
4. are massive copycat's [the next door bitch successfully landed herself a white trophy husband whilst lookin and acting like a harlot all this while. so that must be the winning formulaic template they just have to copy]
and i thought such bollocks have been perennial issues since god-knows-when - no, the last decade more like it. apart from the fact that said feckless bird's are a massive bunch of ineffectual hypocrites. on one hand they'd hide behind the "we are veLy conservative people, donch you know?" banner. yet they have no qualms whatsoever to, for instance:
1. cheat on their other halves
2. pose suggestively in scanty rag's whilst in various states of undress - if evidence of piccy's on the web is anythin to go by [where's the fuckin dignity?]
just because their mate's are, or to quote them in ungrammatical [which they take perennially perverse pleasure in manglin it] english: "eveLyone do it, what!"
and i thought education supposedly enlightened - or to use that rather modern but highly superficial term "empowered" - these twatting cunt's? sad isn't it that there ain't any substantial progress whatsoever made by said twattin cunt's? and yet they'd not hesitate to resort to malicious or petty behaviours when one of their fellow species happened - and dared - to be, god forbid, different.
oh, try engagin them in current bluemarble topics, which you'll likely get the answer - from supposed university-educated high-flying executives workin in multinational companies: "it's not affectin *me*, and it's not *my* pLobRem... anyway not studyin for exam what, rite?"
wouldn't it be nice though if each and every one of em snuff their pathetic live's out with immediate effect? instead of takin up precious space on this increasingly crowded planet?
soz. come to think of it, i cannot believe i could earn a day's worth of work just by dishing out pure gobshite. out of em gormic twat's. if i'm being paid that is.
April 23, 2006
of knight's and dragon's
hopefully not welsh ones. i meant the dragon's.
anyways, happy st george's day, folks. and i beseech ye's to wave that flag with pride.
April 21, 2006
b-day wishes
happy birthday, ma'am; many many many happy return's and long may you reign.
warmest wishes,
a shameless monarchist from an islet far far away
April 20, 2006
yeah i'm a meanie, so?
reference comments made pertainin to this blah, i just have to publish this for posterity's sake.
"Alice" thought he's a freak. which of course i can't help but think that there's a circus out there missin its [star attraction] freak. and to think that they actually named the wee bairn "pickpocket".
mad world we are livin. non?
April 19, 2006
discrepencies
is it just me, or does anyone else out there notice that this twit twat [ed: ta muchly to krip for pointing it out] who has gone completely off his rocker is actually old enough to be the wee bairn's granpa?
on another note, how come nobody - and i repeat NOBODY - accuses him of being a cradle-snatcher?
oh, hang on, it could be his bird who actually needs a father figure to guide her along. or perhaps the boost she urgently requires to get a quick head start in movieland.
cunning wee wotsit.
frocked
this frock is back. hurrah!
gorgeous, ain't it? what with its no-nonsense cut and those fabtastic darts that do absolute wonders to twig's like yers truly. not to mention, its timeless appeal.
heh, comin from someone who abhors frock's, it's a tad ironic that i greet the news of the return of the shift with unbridled joy. no matter, i can wear my dark brown version now which has been mothballed since 1998 or 1999 - whichever's earlier.
April 18, 2006
revealed...
.. the real Borg.
you know, as in "...we are the borg... resistance is futile.. you will be assimilated etc etc etc..."
April 17, 2006
who would have thunk?
that guinness is an alternative thirst quencher?
and i've had resigned to the fact - not too long ago - that i can no longer quaff guinness as i used to many moon's ago - at least four to five pint's in one sitting [read: at least about 10 to 12 hour's] without gettin the woozies. only to discover lately that even a pint and slightly a half more would scramble me brainwaves rightly.
i know, i've turned into a complete wimp. no, it's the darn agein thing, more like it.
it could be the horrifyingly scorchin weather that made wee islander's wilt on the first half of the day today. the sun shone so bright that it blinded em said islander's.
alright, i just couldn't resist lookin longingly across the road that leads to the local - whilst meeting up a customer at starbucks. who started to whinge about the soarin temperatures just half an hour into our discussion. and thrice more.
whingein aussie. anyways, me brain was already screamin: "go to some place with air condition!" when the clock struck 12. noon. and then the image of the local loomed large.
heh, resistance is futile. so, i found meself crossin the road at the signals, like as if me leg's took complete control. and then i emerged from the local, about an hour and a half later more alert. and with a broad contented smile on me face.
guinness + bacon sarnie + the weekend footy highlights on the telly = *pure* bliss
but only for a gaggle of five young US navy types to shatter me eardrum's - loud and boisterous speech, feeble attempt at sarcasm and glazed stare at each passin bird.
GRRR....
and for fuck's sake, it's called F-O-O-T-B-A-L-L in these parts. not SOCCER damn it.
double GRRR.....
disclaimer: may i add that not ALL yank's are loud. nor are they rude. nor do they dress gawdily loud - tacky pseudo hawaiian shirt's come to mind - bleurgh. i know of a handful of fabtastic american's personally and i'm not sayin this to score brownie point's. like everywhere else on the blue marble, there are villages missin their idiot's.
spotted
a laminated sign at the printer's, with a piccy of a yawning - or was it snarlin? - kitten:
April 15, 2006
of bunnies, choccy's and some crossed buns
i know it's a tad early but all the same, happy easter folks.
oh, and a mere glance at these recipes does make the gob water.
the saga continues..
.. about the gaggle of totally gormless wee islander's
on their quest for a karate master in Japan. three of whom were later found in a near-frozen state as they were not properly dressed for the wintry conditions.
it's a real shame they weren't completely frozen. i mean, lesser idiot's on the blue marble, the better it's truly amazin - not to mention, perplexin - they hadn't done any proper research or equip themselves with the necessary before they set off.
methinks they watched too many of those hongkong-produced ancient China martial-arts telly series - whereby some self-styled but completely clueless and naive disciple [who'd inevitably gotten sidetracked by some wily but utterly useless whiny damsel in distress/one-armed battle-scarred swordsman who lost his heart to some bird moon's ago/skillful swordswoman out to wreak revenge on some no-good geezer appearin out of nowhere] spent ages ['cos of the sidetrackin, that's why] seekin some mysterious cave-dwellin hermit-master. to fulfil their own master's dying wish.
see the similarity?
anyways, ever since then one martial-arts exponent emerged claimin to be said karate master. said gormless gaggle of wee islander's were not too convinced simply because he wasn't of the "correct" age. amongst others.
what got me blahin about this is the followin duh?worthy bit revealed in today's news, see emphasis:
..They split up into groups believing that Japan was tiny enough to locate the martial arts master..
which planet are these spastic's from?
seriously, either they never studied geography whatsoever whilst in school; or they aren't aware of the existence of map's and atlases.
April 13, 2006
sad state of affairs?
today's blah's summarised:
1. with an underdressed chavette [blonde and busty to boot] for a bird, is it of any wonder that the royal ginger is a chav at heart? come to think of it, one of his uncle Andy's ex-paramour's is a p0rn actress once.
runs in the family, innit?
2. yet another excuse reason for a right wind-up on em gormless wee islander's:
..."When my son first went to LSP - it stands for Learning Support Programme - I know that, many parents know that. On the second day he went for LSP, a classmate of his who is not in LSP, came to him and said 'Jonathan, my mom said that you're in the LSP programme, it stands for lousy and stupid people'...
what's sadder still is wee islander's - or asian's in general - have no fuckin empathy towards anyone who ain't or appear "normal" as the rest - ie: accordin to their screwed-up standards. in fact, handicapped person's aren't spared either whom they'd not even hesitate to gawp [till their eyeballs popped out], point and giggle.
twatting cunt's the whole lot of em, eh?
3. whilst at the taxi rank earlier this evenin on my way home, a peopre's lepubrik bird - after chatting for a fair bit - asked me mate and me [in fluent english that could put em youngling's to shame, mind] if we were wee islander's.
without hesitation, i blurted, "yes, unfortunately".
me mate was so shocked she saw it fit to rebutt me: "how could you say that?!"
yeah, one of those gob-before-engagin-brain moment's.
April 12, 2006
for cryin out. loud.
if you chose a completely alternative lifestyle whereby your partner is of the same gender as you are; you just have to accept the good and the bad.
includin name-calling. innit?
why shove your ideal's, human right's [:: yawn ::] and other similar bollocks down our throats? just because a handful are accomodating to your sensitivities, that doesn't mean the rest of us should as well.
April 08, 2006
April 07, 2006
pitiful, me arse
some piece of outraging news. *jobless* EU asylum seeker's could claim free housin. mind.
what's particularly gallin is that the pair of newsmaker's took their respective councils to court. which i'm sure they'd never dare to back in their home countries. they'd be skinned and then tossed into a massive cauldron of boilin water. i reckon.
serves to prove my belief that some - if not, most - asylum seeker's ain't what they appear to be. the words "sly", "freeloading" and "cheats" come to mind.
chase, wild goose
some wee islander's - part of a larger party of twelve - got lost somewhere in japan whilst seekin, get this, a karate master. but what's rather perplexin is:
... the group did not possess a photo or any concrete materials about the man, except that he was quiet, a widower and had two daughters.
The city brought the one and only person who practises karate in Soma village to meet the group, but em wee islander's said he wasn't the one.
right. yet another hollywood bollocks comes to mind.
besides, em bunch of mong's were seemingly clueless about the weather conditions of the place they were in. and if the three bozo's weren't found in the nick of time, they would have made front-page headline ["trio of wee islander's found frozen!!" or summat] news.
a shame they haven't.
April 06, 2006
two-legged amoebae - eek!
well, it's been a wee while
since i took immense pleasure in winding wee islander's up. sample the followin conversation that took place at a mate's flat last weekend - she invited moi and a pair of young [as in 20-somethin] loud, high-pitched ineffectual feckless [note: university graduate's, mind] bint's to view her moggie's.
reference that tragic dhow accident in bahrain where four wee islander's lost their lives - and it so happened this piece of news came on the telly:
the letter b [tlb]: tragic innit? the four of em wee islander's?
mate: yeah and they were there for some project right?
tlb: yep, the world trade centre thingy; and they were from the same company as me bro, the blahyadda computer systems
ineffectual feckless bint [ifb] #1, lookin all confused whilst spoutin ungrammatical english : er, where this happen, huh?
mate & tlb in unison: bahrain
ifb #2 lookin more confused - or was it #1? anyways both sounded exactly alike [see loud, high-pitched]: er, where's bah-Lain?
mate & tlb - bewildered, mind: in the middle east [duh?]
and then tlb found herself repeatin: well, they were all there for a project and were from the same organisation as me bro
mate: yeah and that organisation is the blahyadda computer systems
ifb #1 - or was it #2? anyways both sounded exactly alike [see loud, high-pitched]: er, what is the middle east?
ifb #2 - or was it #1? anyways both sounded exactly alike [see loud, high-pitched]: why are the wee islander's there?
i swear i almost flung the plate of dessert onto her ugly mug. BUT when the conversation turned to blokes [read: white bloke's] their ears pricked up and blinker's widened with keen interest.
but naturally. wot does one expect from these lowlife peasant's anyway?
so em both ifb's found it fit to interrupt [no, pester's more like it] us THRICE in a row when said mate and i recounted - in utter disgust - about this young Yankee who was tryin his luck on us on st paddy's day: "IS HE GOOD LOOKIN?"
what has his looks gotta do with his actions? desperate twattin cunt's. oh but of course, it was his wallet/dosh [read: white chap's = wealthy, live in mansion's] that they are interested in, not the person.
well, wot dya expect from these lowlife peasant chinky slag's anyways? no, more specifically, where were they when god was givin out brain's? in the fuckin bog? really, it's an utter crime against humanity to allow these amoebae to even roam the earth. never mind breed.
oh, btw, even em moggies knew they were amoebic. such that they refused to acknowledge their presence.
HA.
that's a tad rich, ye condescendin cow
this comin from someone who gave some cringeworthy bollocky oriental name to one of her characters. besides, her stories are pure bollocks to begin with.
and what was said character supposed to be, a chink, jap or korean? oh but of course, they all look the same, em oriental's - black barnet, black blinker's, flat mug's. so what's the diff, eh?
and i wonder what said cow [mind, she still calls herself "Miss", not "Ms"] would say if she ever visits this part of the blue marble - where loads of em bird's are, what she unkindly termed, "talkin toothpick's".
yeah, just make sure yer wee lasses grow up into fine ladies. eh Miss R? and it's not very nice of ye to slag chihuahua's off in the same breath as em talkin toothpicks.
tsk, tsk.
April 04, 2006
authentic stuff
to all curry fan's out there - if you's think that those curry houses are the "real" thing, think again.
see, there ain't no tomato-based [eh wot?] gravy in it. i can't believe that you's been tricked/fibbed by em asian's/pakis all this while!
:D
[all the recipes featured on the site are the wee islet's national treasures, and so is malaysia's - most of which are immigrant inventions. just like balti/chicken tikka masala or whatever curries that have got tomato-based [eh wot?] gravy.]
bird's of same feather
if i ever decide one day to go over to the UK for good, manchester could be my first-choice. and it's not because i have a soft spot for that city - see emphasis:
i shan't go on about the benefit's of being surrounded by *ordinary* like-minded folk. so why bother joinin mensa?
April 02, 2006
but of course
i meant the *friggin' genius* bit. nicked off smidsy's.
and i still do think feckless amoebae ought to be castrated or snuffed out soonest and/or earliest possible. before they do further irreparable harm to the blue marble.
April 01, 2006
b_mc.t's sparklin gem
humility is not my strongest point. so deal with it.
DUH.
copyrighted stuff, geddit? © breanagh mctavish 2006
sounds of silence
i know, it's rather deafenin, innit.
seriously, soz for the silence, folks. no real excuse's except:
1. goin through my work biz/marketing plan - to see if an overhaul is required
2. doin my "duty" as a citizen of this fine islet by submitting the dreaded income tax online - right, there goes my hard earned dosh
3. a wee sideline handcrafted jewellery "biz" took off early last month - which netted me two customer's who ordered four pieces each - and repeat custom as well
i put that down as beginner's luck, really. who would have thunk, a hobby i indulge as a distraction from work. and a challenge i set meself each time some mad idea came to mind.
thence, bloggin is affected somewhat. also, given that i'm quite rather particular when it comes to spellin and grammar, i found meself spending more and more time bloggin than doing the tasks at hand. so, do bear with me then if i don't come up with quality blah's at times. all the same, ta muchly for checkin back often. this fine blog won't be the same without yer regular reading's and lurve, of which i'm eternally grateful.
well, do keep yer eyes peeled. i may come up with somethin utterly brilliant. as per the usual.