November 30, 2005
forced therapy
the middle east has such a massive problem with gay's that local's caught during a raid would undergo hormonal therapy:
... "They will be given psychological, medical and sociological treatment. Some of them will be given male hormones because some actually took female hormones.."
right. how about those who do camel's?
playing god aren't they, these interferin authorities?
st andrew's day
even if yer ain't scottish, happy st andrew's day to ye's all the same.
and being the show-off that i am, see what i'd made for meself.
November 29, 2005
"it's like back home, boring"
comment's i came across from some US tourist's to the wee islet.
and these are the same bunch of idiot's who'd praise thailand to the high heaven's.
don't get me wrong, it's not that i'm bitter. but what's the big deal about a country semi-populated by half-breed's who tend to end up as model's or telly actor's?
nasty, that.
it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out why thailand is every western tourist's favourite. especially if they are male. apart from the stereotyped exoticism of the mysterious far east that every country in the region should appear to be. to the average clueless first-time western tourist at least.
instead of a shoddy copy of a city back home with the native's speakin english.
["why the hell are you people speakin english?" some total cunt hissed at me the other day. "why? you can't make fun of us speakin funny? or talkin to us in a condescending manner, slowly and loudly like a spastic?" i retort.]
anyhoo, when is the typical clueless first-time western tourist gonna learn it's their dosh em thai's are so hard up for? that by appearing genuinely oh-so warm and friendly, the farang would spend more?
homo mong's.
wee island hypocrisy
a fine example of which being attention whore's
who took up job's cavorting in clobber that left little to the imagination at motorcar, IT, etc exhibitions - and then whining *loudly* about "rude" lecherous types:
1. ogling at em till the cow's come home
2. puttin their pictures up on the interweb
3. and then rating, commenting or criticisin their trunks
4. and this takes the biscuit: for not accordin em any "respect" whatsoever
:: splutter ::
YET these same feckless bint's admit it was the high-payin "salary" [no "conservative" chink's would do it if it's otherwise] that enticed em to take up the no-brainer "job" that doesn't require em to do much. except enticin blokes to drop by the exhibitor's booth's.
duh.
what's goin on at the wee island blog forum [soz for the non-linking as the trackback leads those amoebae to this site] is that said feckless bint's:
1. presumin their detractor's to be conservative narrow-minded male who are no different from animal's those rude oglin lecherous type's
2. claimin they had the guts and self confidence to wear uniform's that doesn't cover much of their trunk's - as well as totterin around in "high" heel's
3. takin offence at the insults hurled as an attack on their "moral fibre" - amongst other thing's
someone commented that their poor defence is akin to someone puttin on a clown suit and then expecting us not to giggle.
their hypocrisy is so immense it's stifling.
quality or quantity?
positive discrimination? i thought the word "discrimination" itself is an evil connotation? how could it be possibly positive when the sole objective here is to meet targets?
at what price positive discrimination? quality is sacrificed for the sake of racial - and to a lesser extent sexual - balance? hasn't this pc nonsense gone a tad too far?
"The majority of those deselected were white men because the force's workforce is over-represented by white men."
so? hell, i'd go to the extent of initiating a lawsuit if i were being discriminated against in my own country.
November 28, 2005
ah!
my ex-colleague who announced her pregnancy the other day has just delivered her wee bairn - a boy - earlier today.
talk of which, where has my maternal instinct gone?
either or
i can't help it but notice this. or maybe it's purely coincidental.
whatever it is, it seems that troublemakin elements who happened to be muslim tend to be from birmingham or bradford. innit?
i know it's wrong to stereotype em, but see purely coincidental.
pure naivete?
as long as there are feckless cow's easily seduced by the lure of easy dosh and workin in the west, whatever legislations in force will not stop human traffickin.
both the smugglers and the smuggled are opportunist's. and where there is a cause, there is definitely an effect. non?
and seriously, i don't buy the argument that these cow's are so naive that they are easily tricked into forced whorin. they are motivated by greed such that they didn't mind workin as dancer's or waitresses.
no self-respectin bird will be caught dead workin as a "dancer" or a waitress - unless they are hard-up college student's. for instance.
so why should we pity these bint's?
November 26, 2005
dodgy fib's
readin this piece about a convicted aussie drug abuser
[whose story i've had been followin on and off - yep i've got too much time on me paw's] serves to perpetuate a national stereotype.
which can be a tad unfair to those i know personally. but then again, said folk are expat's who are somehow already enlightened by their stay overseas.
what's really tut-worthy are:
1. the bint's boyfriend tried to bribe albeit unsuccessfully both the indonesian police chief and laboratory - beggin the latter to change the test results
2. the bint's insistance she's muslim as she had uttered "i'm a muslim" thrice in the presence of her lawyer and parent's - all non-muslim and she's makin a mockery of the religion
3. a wee island muslim model was addressed by her "last" name which incidentally is her father's name - in other word's, muslim's don't have surnames
pretty obvious who's the dodgier ere, eh. besides, the words "superiority complex", "misplaced arrogance" and "total idiocy" writ large.
and if one were to engage an aussie on this issue, they'd put up a robust defence of the fair and just - and compassionate - australian justice. as opposed to the barbaric corrupt non-existent indonesian version.
right. and don't even start on the aboriginal land rights issue. it's pretty non-existent, that.
dinosaur's
i know the subject title's a tad cruel but i'd rather remember em as the definitive 90's boyband. instead of a bunch of agein popster's.
ouch. look who's talkin about ageing.
driven by the love of warbling? or pure greed for a slice of the teenaged music fan's pie? and honestly, i cringe at the thought that they were too cute to ignore back then. serves to show pop music ain't as endurin as metal and classical.
erm, i know it's either one or the other but i'm nuts over both.
November 25, 2005
world wide whorin
mainland chink whore's are everywhere it seems. even at places where there are no visible chinatown's like the middle east for instance.
crikey, it's definitely not safe to travel on my own at the moment then.
:: grumble, mutter ::
r.i.p
an ex-manyoooo legend that many proclaimed was a visionary of his time.
i had never witnessed his games so it won't do him any justice for me to comment. to think that he was given another chance to live via a donated liver, yet continuing with his excesses - drinkin and womanising.
ok i'm not goin any further given his passin.
not again
the victim has already admitted that she was partly to blame for the rape. it's probable she was leadin the fella on as well. see probable.
so why do some young bint's are gettin their collective knicker's in a twist? have both common sense and responsbility been thrown out of the window?
with that said, have said bint's not been clamouring for *equality* all this while? if they think it's perfectly ok to get pissed drunk and then barfin all over on the kerb, on all fours, legs spread apart; then don't complain if they ended up violated by twat's.
really, is there a need to be trolleyed to the point of incapacitation?
goggled
formula to calculate the beer goggles effect has been unveiled. by a team of boffin's with too much time on their paw's obviously.
and if one's a specky, like moi, yer glasses do impair yer judgement as well.
November 24, 2005
the perfect plane
if any of you's like me whose paper planes couldn't fly far, fret not.
a team of engineerin student's have come up with the ultimate paper plane. it looks awesome but quite rather complicated to construct.
i'll stick to the trad method.
thanksgiving
to all my american reader's, here's wishin you's a happy thanksgivin day.
shame i missed the canuck one the other day.
November 23, 2005
asian harlot's, ahoy
i nearly threw up whatever i had eaten earlier this evenin after reading this piece of utter shite:
Old Trafford Highlight Was Park's Fan Club
With the 0-0 result not many things stick out in my mind about the game, but one memory that will live long with me is Park's fan club, sat in the East Stand a few rows in front of me were 5 VERY ATTRACTIVE Korean girls holding up signs and getting all excited when they noticed pPrk was warming up on the touch-line. In the second half when Park came on for Fletcher they went mental and started jumping up and down and chanting his name and screaming.
These Korean girls were very fashionable, wearing low-cut jeans, which of course meant that every time they stood up every bloke for five rows behind got a good flash of their knickers - one had a nice white pair with a red love heart, a couple had pink ones and there was some black ones with red frilly bits around the edges. Every time Park got near the ball they went mental and stood up and cheered which caused the five rows behind to stand up and appreciate the view and cheer as well - all of a sudden Park had about 30 blokes chanting his name and begging for him to get onto the ball just so we could have a good look at these girls' assets. Quite honestly after Park came on the rest of the game was a bit of a blur - did I miss much?
So I would like to thank the Ji-Sung Park unofficial fan club for warming us up on the cold Old Trafford evening...
twat's name deleted to protect the letter b's dignity as a manyooo supporter - yeah right
i think said twat meant to say: 5 very attractive 100% completely PLASTIC [as in plastic surgery 'cos em cow's are aware nobody would give em a second look] shameless korean girls.
:: fur's fly ::
FACT: it was only when korea got into world cup 2002 that their local's started to flock to the stadia to watch footy. being an american-influenced country, their major sport has always been baseball. so in other words, these 5 very attractive 100% completely PLASTIC wotsit's have absolutely no clue about footy.
besides, the whole idea of flashin their totally tacky knicker's were to get bonked by white fool's like you.
geddit, you miserable hard-up defective git?
technically
whilst chatting with a customer - nb: gerry - earlier today, he asked if i'd been to europe. i replied: "no, but i was in the UK before".
to which he queried: "it is not in europe?"
moi: "no, it's an island on its own."
i know, there's actually a tunnel runnin under the sea. shhh...
hallelujah
another amoeba was removed from the gene pool. on its own doing.
there IS a god, i tell ye.
November 22, 2005
wt effin f?
so an aussie's life is way above another sovereign nation's laws?
even if he/she/it committed murder of a native of the country he/she/it is a guest of, that he/she/it shouldn't be punished accordingly?
.. Australia has long been a vocal opponent of capital punishment and Singapore's refusal to spare Nguyen's life has been felt here as an affront, fueling calls for a trade and travel boycott of the island state...
an affront to australia eh? those petulant types [nb: many more aussies just don't give a fuck about the case] never realise whatsoever that their misplaced arrogance is an affront to the wee islet as well?
to quote an associate who's aussie:
.. as a friend, australia has the right to criticise the wee islet. and as a signatory to some UN [ptui] daft regulations, the wee islet is actually contravening the anti-death penalty tosh. as such the international community must make a stand against the wee islet... to us australian's, we respect the sanctity of life that is why we do not believe in capital punishment..
heh. the UN have long past their usefulness. that's why the wee islet are mockin em.
seriously, wee islander's questioned: what gives you the undeniable right to criticise us when you have absolutely no idea how thing's work over ere?
that explains why many more young aussies were hung, executed, shot by a firing squad in spite of knowing full well that they would be convicted if caught smugglin drugs anywhere in asia?
yet asian jurisdictions are labelled barbaric just because these said young aussies were punished? oh there are worst insults hurled at the whole of asia as well, like:
... what do you expect from people who don't speak English, and still languishin in the stone age?
how about this beauty:
.. why do you think there are lots of asian immigrants wanting to live in australia? to escape the shitehole known as asia...
erm yes, australia ain't called the lucky country for nothin eh? and just because aussie's by and large don't give a hoot to *their* own authorities, they think they could do exactly same outside their home as well?
well, what does one expect from a nation that glorifies a sheep thief?
quizzed
nicked from jennifer.
 | You scored as James Bond, Agent 007. James Bond is MI6's best agent, a suave, sophisticated super spy with charm, cunning, and a license's to kill. He doesn't care about rules or regulations and somewhat amoral. He does care about saving humanity though, as well as the beautiful women who fill his world. Bond has expensive tastes, a wide knowledge of many subjects, and his usually armed with a clever gadget and an appropriate one-liner.
Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com |
hmm. how about this folks:
"the name's mctavish. breanagh mctavish. i'll have a guinness, ta."
larf's
as sent by a mate. enjoy.
--------------------------------------
Important to read about the bird flu!
The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately:
1. Highfever
2. Congestion
3. Nausea
4. Fatigue
5. Aching in the joints
6. An irresistible urge to shit on someone's windshield.
vitriol
methinks the archbishop is barkin up the wrong tree:
BRITAIN’S first black Archbishop has made a powerful attack on multiculturalism, urging English people to reclaim their national identity.
seriously, is multiculturalism solely to be blamed for the lack of english pride and identity?
November 21, 2005
ack!
my other blog has been around for a couple of days, and here i was totally unaware of a glaring grammatical error. until moment's ago.
instead of "...intercultural awareness is blah yadda", i typed "are".
either my memory's failing or me blinker's were knackered. if i'm not wrong, i was wanting to add something else after the awareness bit. which alas, i cannot recall what it was.
regardless, that'll learn me for winding wee islander's up - or anyone else - for their poor grasp of english.
they asked for it, wot
and i was called a git for saying overtly flirtatious skanky-lookin drunkard cow's deserved to be raped on some fella's blog many many many ::ad infinitum:: moon's ago.
paintin the town red wth one's mate's doesn't give one the excuse to dress or behave atrociously. sure, bleeding heart's like amnesty international and whomever else would counter that even youngling's, nun's and muslim women wrapped up in blankets are raped as well. but surely those perpetrator's are way beyond redemption psychiatric help who think women exist to be violated.
whereas in this instance, these cow's have a choice to wear sensible clobber, to take flight at the first hint of danger; and are responsible for their *own* safety. so don't lay the blame on blokes who responded to their primal urge. as a reaction to provocative titillation.
yes?
November 20, 2005
far-fetched
the fear of being sued has got one cornish council ordering participant's of a crimbo procession to carry glow stick's instead of flamin torches.
as it has been the tradition for two decade's.
the concern? someone with long barnet could be on fire if it gets entangled with a torch.
how about the rights of folk with short barnet then?
excuses, excuses
honestly, are drinks and drugs to be blamed if one gets preggers, accidentally? and then - if yer desperately skint and summat - turnin to the church for *help*?
bird's these days don't seem to have any self-control, do they?
or were they actually desperate for a bonk?
senseless
are the Home Office waitin for another slaughterin of a copper on duty before they are allowed to carry firearms?
as quoted by the Home Office minister herself:
“It is important that the police have a very close relationship with the public and for them to routinely carry guns might put that relationship at risk..”
these minister's are not quite in touch with reality, are they? or is the call simply a knee-jerk reaction by the public?
over ere on the wee islet, the entire police force are armed with both revolver and baton ever since a killing of a copper many many moon's ago. though it isn't a common crime and that death penalty has had been in place; it is out of a sense of their putting their lives on the line of duty that they shouldn't die in vain.
there was a debate not too long ago of a shootin of a knife/axe-wielding madman dead that certain islander's questioned the need for armed policemen. in case of a stray bullet hittin an "innocent" bystander. erm, why the fuck did said bystander not move aside?
the reply came swiftly: if the copper's life is threatened as in the above case, he has every right to defend himself. by maimin the madman at the shoulder or leg. but since said madman had not stopped runnin towards the copper despite warnings, he had no choice but to shoot to kill.
and it wasn't entirely possible for the copper to take aim at the shoulder or leg innit? besides, the public's safety was at stake also.
amazing innit, how certain lifeform's fob their gob's without engagin brain?
what's more amazin is there are calls to abolish hanging altogether [especially recently due to a fuckedup drug mule aussie of viet ethnicity] regardless of misdemeanour's. no, the wee islet being a UN [ptui] signatory to some useless treaties should make a stand against such barbaric practices.
so a criminal's life is more sanctitious than their dead victim's?
November 19, 2005
classroom trainin
the US marine corps are sending their troops for intensive cross-cultural trainin. pertaining to the area they are shipped to.
honestly, it's about time to. if it helps cutting down the number's of half-breed bairn fathered all over the place.
i'm not being sarcy [yeah right] ere, but most of these bairn's surely don't deserve the indignity of unacknowledgement by their irresponsible father's.
but of course, it takes two to tango innit when native birds are part of the equation?
November 18, 2005
hear ye, hear ye
some shameless self-advertisin here.
i've finally decided to jump on the official-blog-about-work bandwagon. and don't believe the shite about how fine the wee islet is. it's what marketin twit's called "marketing spin".
or should that be PR spin? regardless, they are all the same, innit. a shedload of complete bollocks.
marketin, PR, spin - the whole lot of em.
mocked
good lordy. the lowly attention-seekin whore is granted asylum. and she's makin a mockery of the system, eh?
the immigration tribunal could have been bribed. or been offered a free fuck for all we know.
hang on, a tribunal? she's one desperate twat, ain't she?
shocker
well, not really. Keano is surely fed up with the way things are at manyoooo at the moment. especially with em really useless flash "footy" players, especially so the one who conveniently forgot to go for a drugs test. and perhaps also due to the way the club is now managed.
had better scram before the situation gets worse, eh? especially so when clueless "we are soccer fan's, honest!" evil garden gnome's are runnin the show.
though he's not a favourite, i must say they don't make footballer's like him anymore. dedication is no longer part of a footballer's vocabulary these days.
ta muchly for your service, Keano. you'll be missed. especially your temper tantrum's.
November 17, 2005
another?
the IPCC - or wotever they called emselves - have just opened another can of worms.
and more misinformed type's will babble more incoherently about police incompetency, iraq and innocent live's lost.
sad world we are livin eh?
November 16, 2005
theoretically
i've had always thought the way the twin tower's collapsed when the planes struck was kinda weird.
be forewarned though, it's a guaranteed gobsmackin read. a cover-up somewhere?
ta to hkmacs for this link. soz for the rather late blah, folk's.
the wisdom of le dieu
there is only one eric cantona. long live the king.
the pure delirious joy displayed by grown men with beer bellies towards him was a sight to behold. i was so enraptured by what i had witnessed that i stood rooted to the ground. till rigor mortis set in.
i should have barged my way through to get his pawprint.
larf's
as sent by a mate. enjoy.
----------------------------------
Trafalgar Then And Now [Recently declassified transcript]
Just before Battle of Trafalgar, a conversation is overheard on the poop deck of HMS Victory:
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson: (reading aloud): "England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability." "What gobbledygook is this?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free work environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it... full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest, please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle, Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is underrepresented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats and sunscreen. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."
which?
is it globalisation or purely the dosh these universities are after?
the lure of setting up shop in the far east, eh. and hoping that the natives will adopt a scottish cultural value or three.
aye. kebabed haggis anyone?
November 14, 2005
no more straw's to clutch?
so what has the Queen done to warrant this latest threat? it's not only lame but it reeks of utter desperation. or maybe there are way too many virgin's in heaven that explains the call for willing mong's.
also, their collectively selective memory is certainly much better than an elephant's. didn't they occupy Jerusalem for donkey's years after seein off the last of the christian's?
isn't it obvious also that they have strayed from their original intent and purpose as proclaimed on Sept 11, 2001?
isn't it amazin also that such fucked-up scum are allowed to get this far in life?
November 12, 2005
bleeurgh
cor blimey. see the diced kangaroo bit? the mere thought is revolting enough.
actually em aussies could export surplus kangaroo carcasses to the peopre's lepubrik. given the bird flu scare over there.
but then again, the native's are still chompin on diseased chicken, geese, crows et al; it'll take awhile for em to appreciate stir-fry sliced drunken kangaroo with head intact marinated in szechuanese five-spices.
the last bit there is but a figment of the letter b's imagination.
ps: the wee islet version will certainly come in curry with a whiff of lemongrass. and potatoes.
quizzed
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
----------------------
this is spooky. i have had always thought of Athena as one kewl kick-arse bird.
heh. so that makes me likewise?
November 11, 2005
lest we forget
the sacrifices made by those brave men and women who fought for our freedom.
and i still recall the old gentleman who manned a wee souvenir shop along the shambles in york. i entered this shop as i found it to be empty unlike the others before it. swamped with clueless bumbling tourist's.
ok, so i was one also. tourist that is. it was twilight then, but i was every bit as excited to have come across the shambles. and havin seen york minster loomin large.
as i stepped in, i smiled at said gent, turned to my left to peek at the usual touristy thingies, prices tend to be overtly inflated. and also tend to be made in china. and then the inevitable question: where i was from.
when i replied "wee islet", said gent immediately remarked, "i was there at changi prison.."
i was gobsmacked. there i was face to face with a wwII POW. and for no reason whatsoever i was trembling with excitement as one hardly comes across a British or ANZAC POW back home. and nothin beats hearing it straight from the horse's gob as opposed to history textbook's.
havin noticed my reaction, said gent continued that he was imprisoned at changi right till em evil japs' reluctant surrender. and he was in his 30's then. i was at a complete loss of word's, found myself mumbling incoherently instead, "thank you for helping us fight em evil jap's, sir."
i got panicked when i saw his blinkers watered but all the same i continued, "there's a brand new museum up at changi in memory of the POW's; and if you can make your way back there, please do so.."
he nodded in silence, and just then another clueless bumblin tourist stepped into the shop, so i quickly pointed to him that i wanted to purchase a wee porcelain display plate. of the shambles.
i didn't have any intention to buy anythin - see "overtly inflated", "made in china". i felt bad after chatting with the old chap, at least he made a sale given that there was hardly a soul before i came in.
it has been almost ten year's since, and every remembrance day thence i'd reflect upon the above episode. and wondering if the old gent is well.
i'm glad that i had the chance to wear the poppy whilst in primary school. we were all handed out a poppy each during the weekly assembly but we were too young to know the significance.
and it's an absolute disgrace that the wee islet press doesn't mention one bit about this day.
ingrate's.
larf's
as sent in by a mate. enjoy.
--------------------------------
Wiremu, a New Zealander, was in Australia to watch the upcoming Rugby World Cup and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.
"Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, ey" said Wiremu.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the only cure was testicular removal.
"No way doc" replied Wiremu "I'm gitting a sicond opinion ey!"
The second Aussie doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure. Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.
Wiremu was devastated, but with the Rugby World Cup just around the corner he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.
The Kiwi doctor examined him and said: "Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you huv prostate suckness ey"
"What's the cure thin doc ?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.
"Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls."
"Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Aussie bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!"
November 10, 2005
mangled engRish
nothin pissed me more than mong's appalling attitude towards the english language. especially so wee islander's.
who are supposedly schooled in english. and supposedly tertiary-educated. the followin however shows why em lowest of the lowest common denominator's are simply not worthy of an education. nicked off a *global* networkin website:
My name is deleted to protect the letter b's identity from company name deleted to protect the letter b's identity(WEE ISLET), we have product deleted to protect the letter b's identity repellent that is seeking International partners.
Our repellent has won Best invention awards in several countries. and it does not need blah blah blah.
It is made from formula deleted to protect the letter b's identity, which made it a natural pesticide against vermin such as me.
We sincerely hope to work with your organization to distribute such excellent product in your country and also if possible set up plants to manufacture the product.
Please inform if you have the interest in knowing more details.
name deleted to protect the letter b's identity
you sir are proof as to why i refuse to be associated with wee islander's at all costs a total embarrassment to your "country".
clutched straw's
so another bunch of hard-up-for-72-virgins-in-heaven wanker's struck yet again. in another muslim country. yet again.
but what disgusts me most is their intrusion into countries other than their own to wreak havoc. in short, it was an utterly desperate act to win support for their "cause".
makes you wonder how come such vermin weren't removed from the gene pool at birth. since they had proven yet again that they had a defect called the missing brain.
quizzed
You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You display a perfect fusion of heroism and compassion.
What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
-----------------------------------
compassionate, moi?
November 08, 2005
miracle?
an ex-colleague has just informed me she's due to give birth in about three to four week's time.
i was gobsmacked. and delighted of course.
not only it's her first pregnancy, she's well into her early forties. what's more gobsmackin is that she doesn't have any mornin sickness, lethargy, complication's and anything else that comes with being preggers.
touch wood.
the comical bit is both she and her husband are not bairn-friendly, and have never believed the necessity to have one. in other words, they thoroughly enjoy each other's company so much that they have activities planned 24/7.
but they ain't complainin about the impending arrival. which they both think is a blessing. i can't agree more as em both are one of the nicest if not funniest folk around. besides, i had learnt a bit more about em zoroastrian's and india to a lesser extent.
seriously, i really hope the wee bairn is healthy and fine when it makes its grand entrance. which is of utmost importance, innit.
so what did em gynae's say about the "dangers" of over-35 pregnancy?
teenager's = trouble
if parent's have no right whatsoever to know about their underage bairn's abortions, will the government or NHS assume responsibility to look after the bairn's emotional well-being, post-abortion?
or is this a cunning plan to prevent more teenager's from becomin mother's? or worse, are they followin the wee islet's example whereby teenaged cow's could abort as many times as they wish without their parent's consent?
hmm.. why not take this opportunity to neuter em teenager's as well?
flu-ed
a brief look at pandemics that afflicted the blue marble throughout the centuries.
and it doesn't help matters when the wee islet's most senior statesman had to make a statement about the flu. it only serves to justify as well as perpetuate em myopic natives' paranoia - see below unlinkable article:
People are getting more selfish because society thrives on materialism
I refer to the letter by name deleted to prevent google twat's from comin ere 'Build up spiritual values to combat destructive forces' (the wee islet daily rag online thingy Nov 5).
I can't agree more with name deleted to prevent google twat's from comin ere 's call for building a society that emphasizes the values that reflect goodness: mercy, forgiveness, compassion, gratitude, friendliness, contentment, humility, generousity, good-heartedness.
The destructive force in developing such a society is the ugliness of increasing selfishness.
I met a teacher at a friend's Hari Raya celebration. She used to bring students to nursing homes to develop such spiritual values. However she was told recently by some students that their parents objected to such trips because of the fear of contracting bird flu.
Did this stem from a misperception of the Health Ministry's call for the elderly to be vaccinated against the flu? Or is this a symptom of pathological over-protectiveness?
Several years ago, I spoke to a friend who was the manager of a childcare centre. I asked if she would like to arrange for the children to visit a nursing home on a periodic basis as I had seen much joy on the faces of residents when they came in contact with children.
Children too could develop spiritual values from such interaction. She frowned and shook her head. She said she had discussed this with the parents and a significant number objected to such a trip for fear of their children contracting diseases.
I also agree with name deleted to prevent google twat's from comin ere that many of our TV shows are often filled with competitive spirit and violence. I want to add that the more horrifying violence that is real is seen in our daily news - the images of ceaseless culling of animals and birds for reasons ranging from fear of viral pandemics to invasion into our habitats.
Culling is becoming a good word that strips our sense of guilt and remorse. Is this the price we want to pay for a society that thrives purely on materialism?
another name deleted to prevent google twat's from comin ere
it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out which particular animal species requires culling. urgently.
innit?
November 07, 2005
wtf is that?
the latest instalment of this utter tosh has got an oriental character with a ridiculously larfworthy/duh?worthy name.
both names qualify as surnames, and they could be of korean or chink origin. apart from it sounding daft, i could have mistaken the character for a bloke. unless the author wanted it to appear "exotic".
which she failed miserably if that is the case.
oh but of course, it's a tad hard telling oriental's apart as they all look the same - especially the slit's for blinkers. i mean, they all are from the *far* east innit. and they all supposed to have funny one-syllable name's that sound the same innit?
regardless, it serves to show what a feckless un-pc cow the author is.
nitpickin
snipped off this article:
Indonesia and Malaysia, once virulently opposed to recognising the existence of Israel — they condemned Singapore when it feted the visit of Israeli President Chiam Herzog some years back — have established contacts with the Jewish state.
condemned? weren't there threats of cuttin off the water supply from up north, mass ugly demonstration's, flag-burning, effigy-burning, name-calling's and wotnot? encouraged by these same government's?
some years back? i'm not aware that more than a decade is considered as some years back.
i'll choose political hypocrites anytime over poor journalism.
November 06, 2005
architecture
another favourite photographic theme, this of the catholic church that i go to occasionally.
hopefully i'll get the chance to snap the interior - especially the ceiling - on my next visit. it is simple yet beautiful, designed with the tropics in mind. allowin just enough natural light and ventilation into the church. to call it cathedral is a bit of a misnomer though.
maybe it was cunningly calculated to impress the ungodly savages natives. that's why.
copyrighted b_mc.t
compare and contrast. one of which adorns my pc screen.
and ta muchly to the potpourri named "country barn" - a product of marks & sparks.
November 05, 2005
yikes?
it's not everyday a 7-year-old gets offers from top footy club's. definitely a prodigy, that.
though the naysayer's should just mind their own business. but then again, what does one expect from the average aussie who thinks it's perfectly ok to criticise anyone who doesn't share *their* beliefs?
yikes!
this reminds me of the boy king tut - whereby those who worked on him dropped dead. struck by some unfathomable illness or horrible accident.
but of course, boffin's don't exactly believe in curses, do they?
November 03, 2005
here are the rest...
of what i think, in short:
1. the rememberance service for the july 7th victim's - how come the family of that brazilian sod wasn't invited? they should be made sat beside the mourner's so they could shut up once and for all about "justice". oh soz, the service wasn't in portuguese.
2. the more feminine features a cow has got, the more fertile she is? so where does that leave moi? obviously these boffin's ain't doin any favour's for humanity.
now i recall how some expat idiot was ever so desperate to impregnate some acquaintance of a cunt. oh yes, she is curvy, long hair et al but still a cunt - requested that i phone her up for rugby games so that i'd never have a chance to she could get a shag off a rugby fan. she knew fuck all about the game.
3. i've always thought sperm or egg donor's who chose anonymity are defective. not to mention, irresponsible and cowardly. as if one doesn't wish to know about the welfare of one's progenies? so good on the bairn for tracing his father.
4. i have no sympathies whatsoever for this minister. so good riddance - 'nuff said.
5. a radio station for cat's and dog's the blue marble over. bless Adrian wotsit.
yeah, that's about all for now.
test?
i know i'm a tad late blahing about this,
but all the same, here's my two penneth's worth on the citizenship test:
if i decided to spend the rest of my life in the UK, not only do i have to sit for some daft general knowledge [who's the head of the Anglican church? it depends on whom you believe in most - god, the archbishop or the Queen innit?] test; but i have to fork out 34 quid to become the Queen's subject. whereas those who don't speak a fuckin word of english may be excused?
At a London conference to launch the tests yesterday ministers heard complaints from some teachers of English for speakers of other languages [ESOL] who will prepare new migrants for the tests that they were surprised at how difficult some of the questions were.
what a load of utter tosh. perhaps the papers should be set in the immigrants' native tongues? to be a citizen of any country is a privilege that comes with a set of responsibilities. if the immigrant couldn't be arsed to brush up on the local language and make an effort to pass the test, they can very well fuck off.
which reminds me of this ex-boat refugee who fled south vietnam with his family, and then settled down in sydney for donkey's years YET couldn't string a decent sentence in english. here i was whilst interviewin him wonderin how the effin hell he passed his high school exam's.
oh wait, he rote learnt that's why he scored impressive results. study by regurgitation is a [recommended] chink characteristic anyways. and the fact that he grew up in chinatown confirmed my suspicion. this revelation came about after my tellin him pointedly that i didn't quite understand him. whatsoever.
so if those - or anyone of chink extraction - passed the test [nothin on english history?!] with flyin colours, are they willing to die for Queen and country? or will they end up criticisin the immoral and decadent western values whilst usin the NHS when ill?
no, most importantly, havin been a shameless anglophile for yonk's, can i be exempted?
November 01, 2005
public hol
as it's deepavali - or diwali [itself derived from the sanskrit "deepavali" - duh] today, it's a public holiday over ere on the wee islet.
and then on thursday, it's another public hol markin hari raya puasa [literally, festive day markin the end of ramadan] - or eid-al-fitr as it's known elsewhere.
right, what i'm tryin to say is my braincells are on holiday also. fret not luv's, do keep yer eyes peeled. i may come up with somethin utterly brilliant.
as per the usual.