my innermost sanctum

oh, what a shame!

Airfix, the ever popular military hardware and such modellin hobby is no longer in production.

bairns these day's don't know what they are missing out, do they?

btw, what does the journo mean that the hobby is the sole preserve of wee laddie's only? i begged, implored and beseeched me mum to buy me a scale model of Anne Boleyn [part of a trio consisting of good queen Bess and Mary, queen of Scots - or was it Katherine of Aragon?]. i was envying my bro for spendin hour's on a warship that my uncle helped him assemble and paint.

i was nine at that time. if my memory is correct. and i'm ever grateful to Airfix for sparking my fascination in english medieval history. as well as furthering my interest in thing's military.

come again??

with all the expensive and privileged education that she had received, this whingein feckless bint couldn't exactly make her stand in the face of blatant sexism?

unbelievable. but true.

but then what does one expect of a part-time/amateur pole dancer? the average blokey could also somehow tell what sort of woman a bird is, so no surprise there.

and to display a piccy of oneself on the pole for all and sundry to ogle ["look at me leg's! sexy, innit, boys?"], i very much doubt her credibility. nor could anyone respect or take her seriously as a banker, much less a human being - puttin that piccy up for a larf? i've heard better excuses in me lifetime.

besides, she neither projects an image of a high-flyin go-getting single-minded banker. to me at least.

come again?

i was on my usual round's of direct marketing for the biz just moment's ago, when i received an email on behalf of one of em prospect's.

entitled anti-spam, the "representative" instructed me to click on a link to confirm that my email wasn't really a spam. so that they could actually deliver my email - and any other future one's - to their unidentified client after all.

it got me thinking: which nigerian scammin bastard's - or any other suchlike vermin - would admit their tosh are spam?

so, who's the scammer now, people?

snigger. snigger.

there's this english mate whom

i once sorta fancied many many many ::ad infinitum:: moon's ago. i said sorta fancied 'cos he was engaged to a wee island trolley dolly when i first knew him.

we used to meet quite regularly for a pint, watch the footy or rugby at the local; and to a 'live' compo showcasin the best of southeast asia's amateur rugger team's. not. to be honest, i hated rugby then. but knowin that this mate was once a rugger player, i tried to impress on him that i was keen to know more about the sport. and as you's had guessed, the rest is history.

one particular evenin as us both headed for home, we once had an argument of near-thermonuclear proportions in the taxi about a rather trivially no-brainer topic: long haired bird's are by far more womanly than short-barnet type's. can't exactly recall who or what triggered the argument though.

of course, i took mighty offence - and boiling of blood, without fail - with the implication that i'm *less* "feminine" [whatever that means] than the average long-tressed spastic [note the word "average" - unless of course any bird admits its village is missin an idiot].

and i told said mate exactly that his suggestion was not only utterly daft; but almost akin to the bollocks that less-endowed bird's are anythin but. also, what qualified him to make that particular statement especially when he hardly knew me.

i was sorely tempted to add that he wasn't being particularly fair just because his then-fiancee and numerous acquaintances have had long tresses. instead, i blurted that [1] he's been in asia for far too long [2] it must be the water around ere that screwed his grey cell's up - if there was any to begin with.

harsh, moi? hardly. even the taxi driver could barely contain his larfter. and amazement.

and guess wot i saw recently on the messanger thingy that he has his latest piccy?

his now-wifey spotted a rather short boyish-like barnet.

:: snigger ::

surely it's absolutely nothin to do with the climate in dubai. where she's been based for donkey's years. well, if that's not irony, i don't know what is.

oh, and i thank the lord that nothing more happened between him and moi.

wonderin aloud

if a bird has a penchant to live life as a:
1. blonde - proof that she's a closet bimbo [a handful of real blonde's i knew are brilliant]
2. raven-haired - proof that she's a goth through and through, somewhat
3. redhead - proof that she's, erm, got a fiery personality
4. ginger - proof that she's a minger [it rhymes with ginger, non? but then queen Bess had got shipload's of admirer's]

then, what does a purple barnet signify? as in a bright neon-ish electric nice sweet lavender shade?

about time

i'm surprised that debating [in english, that is] is not "actively developed" in primary school's ere. further proof of the dismal state of the wee islet's educational system.

although a reluctant [proof that i'm not one to seek attention] participant whose name her classmate's never failed to volunteer for the *opposition* team [it's definitely easier than defendin the topic]; i'm eternally grateful for the skills that debating has had equipped me.

like, thinkin on my feet - of which the result always takes me by surprise. also, just imagine the letter b not deliverin some of the *wittiest* - if not quickest - comeback line's.

the blue marble would be a poorer place. innit?

[ok i admit, i once harboured a short-lived ambition to become a lawyer. and went on to work in two law firm's as a temp shortly before and after my UK hols.]

off-centre

'nuff said.

much as i detest digital photography [not least it does all the "thinkin" for moi]; it allows me to explore several different angles without worryin about wasting much film.

for the sake of self-esteem

yeah right. in spite of their gross enhancement's, they still look utterly minging.

their claim that they did so to improve their self-esteem, or wanting to feel sexy doesn't wash. apart from an obvious complete lack of personal ambition's and drive [to prove their existence and space are worthwhile on this planet make the blue marble a better place to live in, for instance], they don't display much of a distinctively unique personality either. nor any shred of self-respect is evidenced.

and i haven't even started on their intelligence, which of course is pretty much non-existent.

furthermore, they don't do the rest of us bird's any favours - their actions only serve to reaffirm em sexists' belief that only well-endowed [regardless real or plastic] defective cow's are really, well, women. anyways, aren't their well-endowed boob's an over-compensation for their total lack of grey matter? and that is one main reason why some white twit's only go for malay or ethnic indian [surely it's not the curry?] bird's. and some plastic ethnic chink's.

in short, how the fuck did they get this far in life?

today's toons

double whammy, a

apparently, the UK have not only to contend with

increasing paranoia towards the muslim population; but more thievin and immoral [read: young "feckless" poor thing's who were tricked into whoring - sob, sob] eastern european's who would come by the caravanload's next year.

what i'm more concerned with is said paranoia. knowin how many clueless amoebae who simply cannot tell asian's, orientals AND middle eastern's apart. after all, these three group's happen to be black-haired and dark-eyed, innit? so what's the diff? they all *look* the same 'cos erm.. they are of the same *colour*! well, DUH!!

oh, if any individual from either one of those three background's is heard muttering in some undecipherable tongue, it must be ARABIC! --> terrorist's!! --> :s --> quick, storm off the plane pronto! we don't want to die mid-air!!! argh!!!!!!!!

cue: breakin down in uncontrollable tear's - amongst other assorted irrational behaviours.

[if any of em were really gripped by the climate of fear, why the fuck did they go on holiday then?]

right. so why am i ranting? that particular October day in 1996 whilst at the old trafford auditorium, right before the start of the tour of the stadium. there i was sat in one of the middle-most rows, waiting for the rest to come in. mainly white, mainly families. and what happened next was unbelievably perplexin.

no one, and i repeat no one, chose to sit in the immediate row's to the back or front until the auditorium was nearly full. nor the row where i was sat except for one bloke.

if this wasn't an act of blatant racism on the part of said white person's or families [who could also be irish or continental] then pray tell, what is it? mind, that was 1996, and people ought to be more fearful of em irish. or anyone of irish descent for that matter 'cos they might just harbour sympathies for the IRA.

crikes.

i mean, didn't the IRA bomb arndale shoppin centre that very same year? in manchester?? talk about irony.

i dread to think what i'd be subjected to if i were to visit the UK. sure, tough luck that i appeared "asian". or "oriental" - "hey, who cares? you's all look the same! so, deal with it, luv. alright?"

i will most definitely. if only the same bunch of xenophobic amoebae stop denyin they weren't being racist with their demand's for profiling. just for the sake of their fuckin peace of mind.

yeah, as if they've got one in the first place. never mind a brain.

-------------------------------------------
addendum: btw, wasn't there a white convert or three also? even australia has one other famous traitor. talk about irony.

today's toons

it's so funny it hurts. not

please allow me a wee bit of self-indulgence.

which i'm sure you's would as it is not often i talk about meself. and meself only.

anyways, a wee funny episode happened yesterday before the start of a brekkie briefing for a customer at this posh hotel. i got chatting with this young german lassie who's here for an internship, and the conversation inevitably turned to languages since she doesn't speak english with much of a gerry accent.

as per the usual, yers truly engaged one of her "tryin my darnest to impress em johnny foreigner's with their respective tongue" routine's. and said lassie was gobsmacked.

and then she queried if i studied german in school. no, it's all self-taught i mumbled. she went on to say i speak it without any trace of an accent.

yeah, and my vocabulary is only limited to good morning/day, thank you and goodbye. can't even count 1 to 10 in that language - woeful. nor cobble a decent sentence together whatsoever, unlike spanish which i could manage with a handful [like, "excuse me, how much does that stamp cost?"].

must admit though i had a very brief interest in german whilst in primary school, and was wanting badly to take it up as a third language when entering secondary school. but if only i did brilliantly in both english [as first language] and mandarin [as a second language].

dodgy requirement, that innit? like as if those who's super fluent in mandarin in all aspects would make a brilliant german, french or japanese [the latter being two other option's] speaker as well.

nonetheless, i'm quite rather chuffed with meself all the same.

be afraid. be very afraid

apparently, there is a rise in number of AIDS cases amongst the wee islet's teenage population.

shocking news, that? with that wanton behaviour they seemingly revel in, they don't deserve any sympathy. not even an ounce. and i'm very certain the reaction from the "conservative" section of the populace is one of complete denial.

and the [utter] irony is these misplaced-arrogant thingies are a legacy of the oft-boasted asian *values*.

::finger, throat::

a glorious day

for british sport, yesterday that is.

but i can't help notice the followin:
1. a canuck who plays better soccer footy than 10 englishmen put together
2. that tennis numero uno who was beat by that wee scottish laddie has got a scottish gran himself

and oh yes, how could i possibly forget that F1 win in Hungary on the weekend, eh? it could be that sorry excuse of a the lucky beard. i tell ye.

gosh!

i visited this site out of curiosity after a commenter pointed this way to a cat blogger.

and i just can't stop giggling, especially some of the comment's made. and em moggies' resemblance was so striking, it's spooky.

it's no larfin matter i know, but spare a thought for the poor moggies. dya think they enjoy being larfed at? or worse, being doppelganger's of a psychotic butcher?

today's toons

only on the wee islet

further proof that the rapid evolution [read: regression] of humankind seemingly takes place in a wee corner of southeast asia, see emphasis:

upon witnessin a waterspout/wee typhoon [as it's called on this side of the blue marble] that took place in the waters off an offshore islet that pretends to be a resort; and "...instead of seeking shelter, tourists and locals ran to the beachfront and started to take pictures...".

and some pointing and gapin [and the odd *"dat one wat ting, HAH?"] thrown in for good measure. i'm sure.

now, weren't some of the tourist's who perished in the thailand tsunami caught videoing or piccy takin when the massive waves hit the shore? and more astonishingly, stood gaping until it was too late?

see? too much sun is not good for the noggin. nor an extended holiday in these part's.

* translation: pray tell, what's that over there?

hmm...

it is just me, or has anyone else noticed that this time round, none of em traitor's are from Leeds? or Bradford for that matter?

most are from London, Bucks, and Birmingham - sounds familiar, that.

really, none from West Yorkshire then?

on a more light hearted note..

now that a growin number of frog's are enamoured with cricket [the sport], curious mind wonders how they pronounce it.

in french. that is.

at least i'm grateful that they never take the liberty to frenchify it. like wot they did with footy, which used to be le pied à terre. or summat.

quite a gobful, non?

whatever next??

wot's with em cow's and their glory/attention-seekin behaviour? probably an utterly deprived childhood that made em do this.

now that this twit has been, in her word's, outed by the press; she's all whiny and handwringin-ey ["oh dearie me, wot should i do?!"] that everyone she knows is now aware of her wee dirty secret's. like as if she ain't aware that somehow her identity would reveal? and what with her rather high-profile occupation, which newspaper wouldn't want to expose her?

i don't buy her naivety one bit. i mean, can anyone be so feckless? for a 33-year-old? oh and with that book she has just published [and she thought she could get away with it with a nom de plume]. if that's not attention-whoring, then what is?

oh and what's with all the very public airing's of her sex life? most pertinently, have these liberated female's gone too far?

---------------------------------------------
update: has anyone else saw her piccy? she looks a right bint.

ouch.

whatever next?

goodness gracious. me. an 11-year-old hung herself just because she wasn't allowed to watch the telly. specifically, a particular mind-numbing amoebae-friendly *reality* programme.

what's next we'll hear? 11-year-old's blowin the house up? is society's ills to be blamed? the type of friends they've got?

no, what's with bairn these day's?

oh yes, but of course they've legal rights. like you's and i do.

if only..

i know this is a rather mean thing to say. i half wished that somethin like this happen over ere on the wee islet.

there'd be massive pandemonium and chaos all round, i tell ye. massive.

or perhaps not. knowin their collective massive nonchalant cluelessness. and complete apathy.

belated wishes

the wee islet and its denizen's celebrated its 41st independance day birthday [as they are still tryin to convince us - birthday!] yesterday.

is it just me or has the number of flags displayed outside homes been dwindling each passin year?

and the topic on racial harmony is brought up yet again for the nth time this year. not that i'm getting sick as a parrot. it's about time that national language [ie: malay] classes be reintroduced as a compulsory subject in schools. which was scrapped in the early-mid 70's.

otherwise, some younger ethnic chink's would carry on assumin they are the far more superior race than the rest. just because they happen to be the majority ethnic group over ere.

or that it's their birthright to brag about their being the only one's who are effectively "bilingual" [ie: speakin both broken mandarin and engRish in one breath - yeah, it's big deal to em]. amongst other's.

today's toons

humour, or so it is

spotted a piccy off a HK-based english blogger:

a wee bar with a massive - and i do mean MASSIVE - maple leaf flag outside. and the name of said wee bar?

ok. so you's ain't larfin.

ps: really, wot's with em canucks and their need to differentiate emselves from yank's? em both sound alike don't they? well, almost.

humour, as it is

nicked off this article:

i'm very sure that certain wee islander's would exclaim in broken engRish, especially em cow's in their trademark fishmongerwife shrill: "dat one funnie, one?". or try explainin word play, you'd get, "woLd pRay? got such TING [thing] one?"

shan't go at length about their level of intelligence. or [severe] lack of.

whatever next?

now, em wee lad's and lasses are told that they have legal *rights*.

:: snort ::

it was not too long ago that parent's were told to treat their precious as adult's. and my younger cousin's - beneficiaries of such a fashionable "upbringin" and still in their teen's - think they are just way beyond any form of reproach.

besides being utterly resentful of my casting dirty looks at their slutty get-up's. i suggested to one of em once that it'd be better for her to gallivant around town *starkers. if they have no ounce of self-respect, i don't see why i should even take any form of interest in em. just because they happen to be matured [yeah, i wager their brains are kinda stunted - wot with all the premature growin up] and clever.

me arse. but of course with a dodgy education system like the wee islet's, gormless amoebae who can't string a decent sentence in english are even qualified to graduate from university.

so it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out why the mere idea of motherhood scares me.

does it? but then fate is tricky.

* if she were violated, it is the perpertrator who's to be blamed, innit? for the sheer inability to keep his paw's to himself. or that he has no respect [haw, haw] towards bird's, some of you's would argue. indeed. but to be dressed like a harlot, it's like inviting low-life scum to violate you [like yer hollerin: "QUICK! PAW ME!! AND IT'S FREE!!!"] which ain't necessarily physical. don't you think? also, surely we cannot expect fella's from certain cultural backgrounds to possess exact same idea's on *civilised* treatment of bird's. nor should we impose our *values* on them which are subjective.

quizzed

nicked off the bluetea.

this quiz is so effin accurate that i'm left completely gobsmacked. witness the followin revelations:
1. personality trait: masculinity 96% femininity 12% - i'm often mistaken for a bloke, especially in the blogsphere. a white bloke no less. could be because most of my good mate's have always been blokes. white [except one who's kiwi the rest are english] bloke's. see the pattern ere? and i do think like a blokey. crikey, i must have been born the wrong sex after all.

2. preference for functionality over aesthetics - what's the point of lookin good in a frock or skirt when it doesn't serve any useful or practical purpose? i can't fuckin *climb* over a wall with a frock for instance, can i? seriously, does any lass play football or rugby in skirt's? no they shouldn't even kick a ball in the first place?!

3. "While you have strong opinions about what is right and wrong in the world, you risk coming across as judgmental.." - yeah. as if i'd give a flyin fuck.

4. "Problem-solving is a specialty of yours, owing to your persistence, curiosity, and understanding of how things work... - methinks i read too many Famous Five's and Hercule Poirot / Miss Marple when i was a bairn.

5. i tend to see the bigger picture and not get caught up in the minutae - i've always felt the urge to bash 99.5 % of wee islanders' AND honorary wee islanders' [read: expat's i know personally who got tricked into marryin local cunt's. of chinese peasantry origin.] noggins into the wall for their sheer total inability to see the bigger picture. GRRR... GRR.... how could they possibly be permitted to even breathe the same air as i do?

and yes, i do find meself helpin people out whenever i have the opportunity. see, i'm not all that cold and heartless.

good lordy!

nobody dares telling this irritatin slag that she's well past it?

her latest stunt further proves her fear of losing her:
1. fame
2. "youth"
3. popularity

'nuff said.

goodness!

what's with older bird's these days?

it's just not those in the UK that got emselves plastered on a night out. even their wee island counterpart's thought it's perfectly ok to outdo the young bints in the drinkin department.

they got emselves in so-called embarrasing [like a certain acquaintance on st paddy's day] episode's all because they can't cope with stress. how rather convenient. surely being blind-drunk is no excuse to cheat on one's partner either. they are tryin to prove they are still attractive to the opposite sex. or utterly resentful that the partner didn't pay em enough attention.

right. and i thought if they are capable enough to have a career, surely they are capable enough to be independant [not be too emotionally needy in other words] as well?

sad isn't it, that bird's these days regardless of age have no self-restraint whatsoever? not to mention, shameless?

nice!

my one-time [as it has become polluted with amoebic riff-raff ever since.. whenever] favouritest footy website has just gone through its third revamp in a decade. i think.

regardless, its about time for a fresh look. one complaint though - i have to sit closer to the monitor to read.

i'm very certain it's absolutely nothin to do with the agein process me blinker's.

today's toons

a dog's life

this dog not only gets a free bus trip to its local, but a free quaffin and meal to boot.

i'm jealous. sooooo terribly jealous.

the lure of dosh

i know i'm a tad late with this, soz about that. but really, is it due to the communist regime that they were subjugated for yonk's that turned em into a callous bunch who willingly abandon their spawn?

to chase after a few grand?

have em Pole's, and countless other eastern european's who commit exact same crime [of space-wasting that is - of emselves and their bairn] become the filipino's of the western hemisphere?

no, most disturbingly, has the UK become a massive dumpin ground?

copyrighted b_mc.t

yet another interpretation of this popular style.

quite rather vampish lookin, non? i meant *mine*, that is.

copyrighted b_mc.t

a letter-b [as opposed to "modern" - as every successive generation thinks theirs is the definitive "modern"] interpretation of this period accessory.

a historical period which has always been my favouritest since.. goodness knows when.

incidentally, the "drops" are made out of pure frustration as i didn't want to use those that are readily available. material's used are all genuine stuff.