my innermost sanctum

say that again?

the rapid deterioration of english grammatical standards continues on the wee islet:

this comin from the oft-boasted self-styled voice of asia broadcaster. who hires third-world newscaster's - read: filipino, south korean - with fake nerve-grating american accent's.

honestly, if not for the chinky name, i'd have thought a blonde wrote that piece of tosh. but then, the journo could be a bottled blonde.

poor taste

this piece of bollocks serves to prove my, erm, theory that the [below] average [intelligent] bloke is indeed a caveman.

also, it seems that those who go purely for blonde's - and blonde's only - share exact same lowest of the low level of intelligence with those who [literally] drool at the sight of asian bint's.

especially bottled blonde asian bint's. regardless of complexion.

mutant gene? can i safely deduce that this is the same gene that's responsible for their [severe] lack of braincells? not to mention, insidious cunning? as famously demonstrated by these evil attention seeker's?

disclaimer: now, now, i do know of a handful of real blonde's who are neither dumb nor insidiously cunning. same goes to any bird of any hair colour regardless.

gone the way of the dodo

it has been a L-O-N-G while since i spoke or heard this rather peculiar reflexive pronoun - ever since the lowest common denominator amongst em wee islander's [read: ethnic chink] pidginised wee island english.

[wot to do? the letter b had to adapt accordingly, wot.]

said reflexive pronoun which methinks has gone [well, almost] the way of the dodo: "ownself"

examples of use in the wee island context:
1. "i ownself do this necklace" or "i make this thing my ownself"
2. "so you make all the travel arrangement's your ownself?"
3. "make-up: model ownself did"

yep, i really miss saying "ownself". now, perhaps i should start usin it over ere on this fine blog, then.

gene-pool, self-removal

honestly, should staff at a Cheshire gaol despair that em scum chose to end their miserable live's through self-harm [and then death] or suicide? especially when:

likewise, those who are seriously mentally unsound. they are beyond redemption hope - and help - aren't they? so why bother?

and if said authorities are worried that their behaviour may harm the rest of the prison population, they could perhaps be quickly removed through some form of assistance.

today's toons

today's toons

dya know?

soz if you's already knew it; but all the same, i was gobsmacked when i chanced upon the followin tidbit with regards to the ongoin rugby six nation's - off the weekly brit chamber's "youth" group e-newsletter:

and they still don't speak english? after all these moon's?

:D

you speakin english?

now, i'm not sure if it is due to american influence

- i may be wrong. but i come across a number of wee island blog's - on moggie's, that is - with the following sentence:

"... throw/look out the window..."

and i thought it sounds rather odd as there should be the preposition "of"? like:

throw/look out *of* the window?

i know, there's no ultimate right or wrong when it comes to grammar. or vocabulary for that matter, like how canuck's thought wee islander's were totally wrong to say, for instance as emphasised:

".. the shoppin centre is opposite my house.."

when actually it is a legacy from the brit's. we say "opposite", not "across the road from". and to think that em canuck's chuckled at my wee islanders' expense all this while. can't blame em really, when they spend at least three quarter's of their lives in total darkness. innit.

i meant em canuck's.

regardless, that's also a real gobful. four word's "across the road from" as opposed to "opposite". [soz "Alice" :) ]

in short, i'm a stickler for rules and nothin gets on my nerves than slipshod grammar like:

".. we are open between 1pm to 5pm.."

gah!

but then like the "look out the window" example has demonstrated, it could also be a sign of changin time's.

today's toons

5,000 year's of history?

i nearly threw up my brekkie yesterday when i chanced upon this pukeworthy article. i'm not the least surprised if they have already developed a taste for human flesh. crikey.

and if the entire blue marble finds out about this revoltin news, em mainland chink's would definitely use famine as an excuse. besides, given that their population is in the billion's, they can always afford to eat one another.

what with a culture that has been around for five thousand yonk's or so, surely they'd have already acquired a more refined gastronomical taste?

oh soz, 99.9% or so are still farmer's peasants. so that explains.

short changed

isn't it about time that the death penalty be reinstated in the UK? ooh, that's a tad harsh. not to mention, a clear infringement on civil liberties and such other hogwash. innit?

i mean, em murderin twats [erm, how come they always seemed to be caribbean/black or paki?] have got right's also, innit. like you and i. but that doesn't make any fuckin sense. to me at least.

but then, how many more copper's have to be slaughtered in cold blood whilst in the line of duty? before some politician decides that all of em should be armed?

nanny state?

given the spate of wee island mong's hurling emselves onto the path of incomin trains; numerous sign's were recently erected beside the tracks. on elevated train station's all over the islet.

in large bold letters, in all four "official" languages - ie: english, chinese, malay and tamil:

to be honest, i wasn't sure if i should giggle. or cry.

:O

good lordy. goodness gracious me. good grief.

:O

google's rebranding its very own paypal as "GBuy"? that sounds almost akin to a chinese dialect for cunt. which incidentally is also a swear word, used in exact same context as "twattin cunt!"

cue: tasteless jokes jammin up inboxes all over the wee islet. and beyond wherever hokkien [said dialect - which incidentally is one of the letter b's ancestral tongues] is spoken.

a classically fine example of fucked-up ignorance [global] marketing gone horribly awry. tsk, tsk.

aww...

or how wee islander's would say: "so CCCUUUUUTE!!!"

just look at that wee moggy.

today's toons

supposed to be yesterday's. ack.

reeks of desperation

the length's some birds would go to in order to ensure their blokes never stray.

in this case, french birds to be exact. just to appear irresistably appealin - and faking intelligence as well - in the eyes of em bloke's:

losers. boo. hiss.

right. that may explain why their menfolk are such a bunch of arrogant but totally delusional twat's - they think they are the cosmovere's most charmin'.

regardless, em french cow's are not doin me any favours to the rest of us. whatsoever.

and i thought it's all a matter of just being oneself. and the other party accepting you for what you are, warts et al? and of course, those unexplanable external factor's that one has no control of whatsoever. like, timing and a dash of luck.

regardless, what is a relationship without reciprocity and communication?

today's toons

today's toons

chicken, road

soz folks, am up to the eyeball's with work - ack.

and possibly the next couple of week's also. double ack.

anyways, here's a recycled blah which was first posted on blogspot many many many :: ad infinitum :: moon's ago - back in 2003 to be precised, if you's must know.

enjoy.

-------------------------------------------
why that chicken crossed the effin' road

there are too many johnny foreigner's at the club that's why. so said chicken - henceforth known as "our lad" - decided to bunk off and ply his trade at their bitterest rivals. who happen to be just opposite his old club.

thus, chances of becoming *the* top scorer for our lad are very high and likelier as competition isn't as tough. unlike at his previous club, where the gaffer had signed on too many french, italian, czech, spanish, and even oztrylian chicken's.

plus the odd brazilian with whatever's left of his samba magic. oh, and there's an american goalie chicken also. so, our lad was left to warm the bench towards the end of last season. which chicken would not be pissed i ask you?

truth be told that most of em chicken's at the other club are nearing their retirement days. therefore making it a dad's army kinda place. what to do, the gaffer himself is a former England (fowl division) manager. to be exact.

that explains why the international team were utter tosh during the supposed golden year's of english (fowl) footy. in fact they still are, as evidenced by their utterly appalling FIFA (la division poulet) world standing.

but surely there's a glimmer of hope for our lad you'd say. what with his fine footy skills still intact, he is full of confidence, has loads of enthusiasm. and most importantly, has fire in his belly.

be forewarned though - our lad is no spring chicken, although he is unusually wee. he broke his wings and leg's - and nearly lost his comb - before in an absolutely unsightly violent derby clash two season's ago.

[think: manYoooo vs man city, liverpool vs everton, ranger's vs celtic]

and it took him nearly three quarters of the season to get back to full fitness. actually, he still walks with a slight limping. in addition to an off-tangent crooked comb.

no matter, that club across the road needs new blood urgently. and most importantly, they are all local chicken's. some of which have served the club faithfully for many many many :: ad infinitum :: moon's.

notwithstanding, here's to more glorious years to our lad at the club across the road then.

finito.

original chicken yarn © breanagh mctavish 2003.

paradise found

i'm truly awestruck after lookin at em piccy's. so what i need to do now is:
1. find out exactly where in foja mountains i can see these beautiful creatures
2. find out exactly when i can be spared from work to visit the area

hopefully, there's some form of news blackout throughout the blue marble's chinese language press.

it's pretty obvious why i said that.

larf's

as sent by a good mate. enjoy!

----------------------------------------------------
Students were assigned to read two books, the "Titanic" and Clinton's, "My Life." One smart-ass fellow turned in the following book report, with the proposition that the stories were practically identical. His cool professor gave him an A+ for his report:

Titanic:..... $29.99
Clinton:..... $29.99

Titanic:.....Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:....Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:..... Bill is a bulls*^t artist.

Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:.... During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.

Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:..... Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:..... Clinton doesn't remember jack.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of sea men.
Clinton:..... Monica...! oh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hilary (basically the same thing).

frankendog

yikes. is nothin sacred anymore? no, that should be read as: what has the blue marble become?

i have nothing against mixed canine breed's but not to the extent of crossin a massive doberman with a wee poodle. or between breeds with known genetic disorder's. or just any indiscriminate breeding to satisfy demand, as in this instance:

all in the name of consumerism? it won't be long before we have a monster on our paw's.

or is there already one in our midst?

soz, but i just can't help it

and now em dane's and other assorted continental's

are trembling in despair over the hoo-ha that's takin place in syria and lebanon?

i'm NOT condonin their action's, mind, but i reckon em muslim's - read: those who called for death and destruction et al - are actually *expressing* emselves. and that they are really *free* to do so, aren't they? but in a different manner altogether of course. surely it's too much to ask em to express emselves in a manner befittin the western ideal?

and i'm not aware that "freedom of expression" - amongst others - is an exclusive selective continental/western democratic ideal. only to be forced down the throat's of barbaric non-westerner's as and when it deems fit.

innit? perhaps that may explain why their former colonies all over are in a right fuckin mess.

and for some other assorted amoebae proclaiming that the cartoonist was right after all - that em muslim's [read: each and everyone around the blue marble] are terrorist's in disguise.

yeah, but the cartoonist twat was givin em greater licence - soz, another lame excuse - to terrorise westerner's who are now in the middle east. as well as puttin their troops' lives in utter danger. the word "myopic" comes to mind.

and did some muslim ambassadors not plead to the danish premier to prevent further damage back in september? they foresaw that some blood would be spilled. but oh no, he insisted that the cartoon's were "a necessary provocation" - whatever that means.

probably somethin was lost in translation. or that continental's use a totally different part of their brain's. otherwise they wouldn't even drive on the *wrong* side of the road. innit?

but in all honesty, i'd rather see this two groups of mong's annihilate each other off the face of the blue marble. the sooner the better.

:: yay! ::

today's toons

[what surely is a bumper crop of toon's this week - but i ain't complainin.]

coincidence?

those countries whose newspapers published same provocative cartoon's to "show solidarity with em danes"?

is it merely coincidental these are the exact same ones that collaborate with the nazi's by roundin up their own jew's?

now, let us go back to the year 1492 when spain expelled a massive number of jews. besides forcibly converting lots more prior to the expulsion to catholicism. they were so fearful of the jews' totally strange cultural and religious practices that they resort to subjugation. there were of course a myriad of other reason's as to why these racist's did what they did.

and then, it so happened that the holocaust took place that these same hypocrite's subsequently declared any acts against anti-semitism as a crime. but i do wonder if they did so to appear politically correct. probably due to israel being a superpower. or perhaps due to its ability to trounce em collective arab's off during the yom kippur and six-day wars.

so, as they are experiencin a rising muslim and other minority population in their own backyard - that strike utter unspeakable fear into them, such that denmark ensures their muslim's bury their dead overseas - they just cannot resist to provoke em with distasteful humour. presumin that muslim's are not quite as intellectual, clever and humorous as they are.

oh and may i add liberal also. otherwise em islamist's won't even oppress their bird's by way of the veil innit. poor thing's, eh? [one just have to hear some of the mighty ridiculous bollocks made by certain white wankers - thinly disguised as expat's - about how "liberal" muslim bird's here are. go figure.]

i have had worked with some dane's before, most of whom i must say aren't willing to have any dealing's with anyone who ain't blonde and blue eyed. well, what does one expect from continental's?

i shan't go on windin em up as my hatred utter dislike for the whole lot of em is quite well-documented on this blog, innit. apart from em wankers' massive self-delusion's of being god's gift to asian bird's.

today's toons - part ii

[makin up for lost time over the crimbo-new year period, i suppose.]

mountains out of molehills?

what's goin on right now in denmark

- you know, the prophet mohammad cartoon thingy - serves to show how low some amoebae can stoop.

no, make that: yet another fine example of european [misplaced] arrogant-superiority complex. in other words, western - or in this case, european values like freedom of speech and suchlike are what the rest of the blue marble ought to emulate. oh not to mention, their brand of humour also.

it's one thing to depict the prophet which in islam is not somethin they encourage. it's another thing altogether to portray him as a turbaned terrorist. and of all thing's, the cartoons were published on not only the islamic new year, but also the religion's most sacred and holy month.

it's really easy to hide behind the freedom of speech tosh when it's clear to see these exact same amoebae have no effin respect towards folk other than their own kind.

or what they'd not want to admit: totally strange folk with completely unfamiliar values that scared em a fair bit.

really, i do wonder if the word "common sense" ever exists in these amoebae's dictionary. afraid not, given the bollocks they fobbed off their gob's, like:
1. how the western world shouldn't ever appease these backward people - same bunch of people who subject their bird's to various demeanin practices
2. said backward people should move on to the 21st century

sure. but how very forward and fair are the western world? or more specifically, em european's towards their own disparate minorities? what made them think that their cultural values are far, far, far more superior - read: that equate the most ideal - than the rest? if these same values are the most ideal, how come:
1. continental divorce rates never seem to abate?
2. married couples cheat one another that they are makin a joke out of the very sanctity of marriage?
3. and dare i say, the roma's are still discriminated against?

should they not clear the mess off their own backyard first before tellin muslim's - and anyone else who ain't european - all over the place to assume a western mentality? also, isn't it humiliatin for the danish premier to *beg* the middle east to calm down? and for em to plead that they didn't quite expect such violent reactions from a mere provocation is frankly, lame.

and on the other hand, the arab's and just every other muslim - ok, not all - aren't quite capable to sit down, then calmly and logically explain why they aren't exactly pleased with the insults, innit. they have proven yet again they can't string a decent sentence together without going in circles. so, the only way to express their anger is through threats of execution's and burnin of flags and effigies, eh - yeah very barbaric, that. to westerner's that is. but then, would the "free" press report exactly their sentiment's without prejudice?

what's really perplexing is the way em muslim's can unite together under a common religion which the western world ought to be wary of. i have seen how malay's welcome fellow muslim's regardless of their background's like long-lost relative's. on one hand, it's an admirable quality. but kinda scary all the same.

anyways, hypothetical question: what if some asian country put up a fictitious play - that coincides on Good Friday or Easter Sunday - on an alternative type of Jesus who is, amongst other thing's, a drunk, a gambler and a womaniser? or a HIV-positive? would much of the western world react violently as well? no? yeah probably, given the number of christian's who aren't even turning up for sunday services. innit?

this episode is proof that not everyone on this planet has got their brain's wired exactly the same.

catch up

about two week's ago, a secondary school classmate whom i lost all contacts with phoned me. out of the blue.

the last time i saw - but hardly spoke to - her was at another classmate's 21st birthday do, back in 1989. she was already engaged then, all lurvey-dovey and so absorbed with her then-fiance. that was why i hardly spoke to her. i did ask after her through yet another classmate, but shortly after i moved house in 1999, i lost touch with just everyone. primarily, the electronic diary where i stored their phone numbers died on me.

no, i couldn't be arsed to buy the batteries. anyhoo, i'd be meeting said classmate, her 5-year-old bairn - and possibly another ex-classmate [who passed her my number] - next week if all goes as planned. 'cos wee islander's have got a tendency to cancel appointment's at the last minute.

whatever it is, i'm very much lookin forward to see em. just imagine the amount of gossip i'll get to hear.

today's toons