my innermost sanctum

oooer, it's nessie!

UNRELIABLE FACT OF THE DAY
From the Brains Trust 8 July 2004

HAPPY SCOTS

The United Nations 2002 report on Happiness has revealed that the Scots are the happiest people on the planet. This dispels the myth that all Scots have a massive chip on their shoulder.

here's more "random" facts on things scotland:

McGibraltar by Herr Flick

Of Gibraltar's 134,000 residents, a staggering 132,000 are in fact Scotland football fans stranded there ever since the 1982 World Cup in Spain - and the Gibraltar phonebook has more McTavishes than Glasgow, Edinburgh and Aberdeen combined. Aye.

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Scotch mist by Francis

Previous facts relating to Scotland are saved under Norway, in anticipation of future European realignments.

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Best-Kept Secret by GreyWolf

Scotland has not had a category in Unreliable Facts before today, because Scotland is actually a very, very nice place with a brilliant climate and lovely people. The management of Brains Trust are however trying to keep this a secret to prevent you lot from moving to Scotland and spoiling the place.

oooer, it's nessie!

saw this bit which thrilled me to bits:



more unexpected headlines, to quote the journo.

today's lesson

Lesson #2: How to speak like a scot

whenever Alex Ferguson comes on the telly, turn up the volume to full. and at the same time, lip read.

if all else fails, try to catch the scottish premier league on the telly. especially the old firm clash.

a word of caution though: don't attempt aberdeenian if ye haven't grasped enough glaswegian.

random haggis facts

cut and paste random facts off the brain's trust. enjoy.

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Relatives of the Scottish Haggi by the_other_giuliani

Less known than the Highland Haggis is their South American counterpart, the Patogonian Haggis, a fierce meat-eater known to have mauled and devoured back-packers, pumas and descendants of Welsh immigrants. Even less known is the New Zealand Haggis, which completely resembles the flightless Kiwi and is therefore "pretty hard to spot" says Andrew M. Patterson of the Christchurch Bird-Watching Society.

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More Haggi Facts by The Ego

The easiest way to tell the sex of a common haggis is by looking at their legs. Male haggi travel around mountains in a clockwise direction and therefore have a longer left leg, whilst females travel counter-clockwise and have longer right legs. The common haggis is for this reason one of the few animals that use the missionary position.

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Catching Haggi Properly by phanty

The only strain of haggis which can be caught be approaching face on is a mutant strain bred in the 1970s which escaped from a research site near Inverness. Common haggi have four legs and due to their excellent forward eyesight and hearing, will always evade predators in front of them. The correct method of catching them is to approach from behind and whistle. The animal will turn round to seee who is there and then roll down the hill. Flying haggi cannot be caught by this means because they have no legs. Instead they have a smooth scaly belly which they use to skim over the tops of the heather. This also makes them very resistant to shotgun pellets.

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Haggis - catching it and serving it by Marianne

The haggis is a small turkey-sized two-legged creature that lives on Scots mountains, and consequently has one leg shorter than the other in order to deal with the gradient differential. Haggi (the plural of haggis is haggi) are caught by two people with a bag. One sits at the bottom of the hill with the bag. The other roams the mountain until he or she comes face to face with the haggis, which cannot turn around and run away as it would then be in the wrong direction for its legs to work properly.

It falls over, rolls down the hill and is caught in the bag. When the haggis is served at table, it is accompanied through to the dining room by a man in a tartan kilt playing the bagpipes, then addressed officially with a poem by Robert Burns, and then cut open with a sword before being served to the gathering accompanied by a pastinaceous side dish known as neaps.

a wee dram

random fact
off brain's trusts unreliable facts:

The word “scotch” has been inadvertently copyrighted by the makers of the eponymous sticky tape. Unfortunately, substitute words such as Jock (strap) Caledonian (biscuits) Mac (computer) and so on, have all been used up, leaving little choice for whisky makers to find a memorable name for their delectable product. There’s a bottle waiting for you if you can come up with the winning suggestion at www.swhisky.com/

ba ba black sheep

random fact
off brain's trusts unreliable facts:

Scientists have discovered that sheep have very acute hearing and can hear the sound of a zipper being undone at over 100 yards. This is possibly why Scotsmen wear kilts.

"uhm, a haggis is a fox-like creature??"

off the sydney morning herald:

"...One-third of all American visitors to Scotland believe haggis is a real animal, according to a survey. Almost one in four (23 per cent) of those questioned said they had come to Scotland under the belief they could hunt and catch Scotland's most famous dish..."

ahh reet. the image of wild untamed heelands is alive in the minds of certain folk.

"... haggis was a creature that sometimes ventured into the cities and was similar to a fox..."

ne'er leave glasgow, nae, scotland fer that matter, withoot seein' a haggis. a reel wild one, that.

fer more rib-ticklin' chuckle, click 'ere.

as scottish as haggis

as heard off the bbc world service last evening - the late elvis presley was of scottish origin, his roots could be traced back to Lonmay, Aberdeen.

reet. expect a rush of gormless tourists all over the blue marble descending upon the village, making a massive nuisance of 'emselves.

sample fictitious conversation which may occur, somewhere in aberdeen:
irritated but totally clueless tourist: "what's that nerve-grating sound?"
jimmy the scot: "that's a bagpipe."
irritated but totally clueless tourist: "er, what's a bagpipe?"
jimmy the scot: "it's a war instrument of torture."

people in scotland

nicked, without permission, off coffdrop's. you's know why i got to have it here.

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At 40 degrees F - Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Scotland sunbathe.

At 35 degrees F - Italian cars won't start. People in Scotland drive with the windows down.

At 20 degrees F - Floridians wear coats, gloves and wool hats. People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.

At 15 degrees F - Californians prepare to evacuate the state. People in Scotland go swimming.

Zero degrees - New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Scotland have the last BBQ before it gets cold.

At 10 degrees below zero - People in Miami cease to exist. People in Scotland lick flagpoles.

20 degrees below zero - Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.

80 degrees below zero - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Scottish Boy Scouts postpone winter survival classes until it gets cold enough.

100 degrees below zero - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Scotland pull down their ear flaps.

173 degrees below zero - ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Scotland get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.

297 degrees below zero - Microbiological life starts to disappear. Scottish cows complain about farmers with cold hands.

460 degrees below zero - ALL atomic motion stops. People in Scotland start saying "Aye, chilly the day....".

500 degrees below zero - Hell freezes over. Scottish people support England in the World Cup.