my innermost sanctum

larf's

from a mate who emailed me this. enjoy.

Signs in China

1. In a Beijing hotel lobby:
"The lift is being fixed for next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."

2. In a Shanghai hotel elevator:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."

3. In a Hangzhou hotel:
"The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."

4. In a Jilin hotel:
"You are very invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

5. In a Wuxi dry cleaner:
"Please drop your trousers here for best results."

6. Outside a Tianjin clothing shop:
"Order your summer suits quick. Because of big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

7. In a Xian tailor shop:
"Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

8. In a Guilin hotel:
"Because of impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose."

9. An ad by Kunming dentist:
"Teeth extracted by the latest methodists."

10. In a Hangzhou zoo:
"Please do not feed animals. If you have suitable food give it to the guard on duty."

11. From a karaoke bar song list in Suzhou:
"I'd Like to Teach the Wound to Sing" and "What Kind of Foot AM I"

12. In a Taiyuan bar:
"Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."

13. Hainan airline ticket office:
"We take your bags and send them to all directions."

14. In a Huashan temple:
"It is forbidden to enter a woman. Even a foreigner if dressed as a man."

15. In a restaurant menu in Harbin:
"Salad a firm's own make - limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger - beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."

16. In a DongGuan Pub:
"No push, no fun. No clothes, no sweat"