my innermost sanctum

today's lesson

Lesson #5: Wee Islander Idiosyncracies Part 2

it's a fact that wee island slags are not too chuffed when their objects of attention - what else, white blokeys - look at other birds. even if the chaps in question ain't exactly their paramours. and said bints would not hesitate to engage in a wee catfight with their "rivals" to reclaim their "property".

may i add that these catfights are usually trivial. and kiddie in nature.

one fine example:
location: at the local this saturday past
characters:
- some royal navy sleazebag = RNS
- an english geezer = EG
- some loony wee island bint who might be said geezer's bird. and who might be about my age also. or several yonks older = LWIB
- a decent england rugby shirted ginger = ERG
- yers truly = BMcT

act one scene one:
BMcT, upon arrival at the local at half three in the afternoon, noticed that RNS was eyeballing her. instead of wasting her time, she quaffed her pint of guinness, and chatted with another regular until he left just before five. at the same time, BMcT enjoyed whatever attention that was feted upon her.

not necessarily RNS's.

act one scene two:
just before half five, BMcT realised that the local would screen the Super 12 finals on the telly. yay. and then the crowd started trickling in, mainly aussie.

'cos those who cheered on for the Crusaders happened to be english.

act two scene one:
during half time, BMcT decided to move to another seat at the bar counter as she spied some chappie in the england rugby shirt. ie: ERG

as she was parking herself, LWIB came up and sat to her immediate right. and introduced herself to BMcT. oh quite a friendly bird, that. BMcT thought. but that was not to be.

act two scene two:
whilst watching the second half of Super 12 and chatting with ERG, RNS flirted outrageously with LWIB. who returned same. so did he with BMcT sporadically.

who did her darnest to avoid the paws of RNS. by sitting close to ERG.

act two scene three:
whilst discussing about the upcoming FA Cup finals between manyoooo and millwall with ERG, LWIB suddenly turned around and screeched in cantonese (chinese) to BMcT:
literal translation into english - "you can't sit still huh? you poking my back all this while!"

BMcT, strangely calm, answered in english in a rather controlled voice, "well take a look at this wee space 'ere matey. don't blame my elbow." and at the same time, making an elbowing motion, "see?"

LWIB who was already reaching boiling point - due to her failed baiting of BMcT - wailing rather loudly like a loony banshee on speed, to EG and RNS:
in wee island working class english - "she keep poking my back!!"

RNS then stepped in between us, "c'mon ladies, behave yerselves blah yadda yawn.."

BMcT completely ignored them buffoons, continued yakking with ERG. and then without any warning, LWIB plopped onto the floor. appeared knocked out. stone cold.

both EG and RNS did all they can to revive her. almost everyone present looked on at this wee playacting - as was told by a server who revealed that was what them both had said.

act three scene wotever
after much later, ERG asked BMcT if them buffoons were still around in the vicinity. which she replied in the affirmative - as she had stepped outside and enquired the servers, which they pointed out to her where they exactly were.

even ERG thought LWIB pulled a fast one when BMcT recounted - the second time - what the fracas with LWIB was all about.

it must be emphasised that in no way BMcT influenced ERG into agreeing with the playacting bit. also, to be honest, BMcT could have reacted by chinning LWIB but she refrained. even from calling LWIB names like "mad cow".

see what i mean about wee island slags?

as enscribed by the letter b @ May 24, 2004 08:30 AM